That said - things are NOT equal post-betrayal. So to pretend like things are equal is just dismissing the level of pain she is experiencing. There is a divide in the relationship that must be repaired. And by embracing the 90/10 posture - reconciliation has an opportunity to flourish.

Here is what I recognize: shame is what drives him to act out. And then once we are made aware of his acting out - shame is transferred over to us. And we look at ourselves in the mirror and we think: I’m not good enough.

Safety is an experience. It’s a way of being. It’s feeling calm, connected, grounded. And THEN doing the recovery work from this place as much as possible. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. We will flow in and out. But staying in a place of safety is one of the foundational components to healing well.

Hasn't enough been stolen from her? Haven't so many of her choices and wishes been stripped from her? Let her decide. It's her story, too. (I feel like I need to make a t-shirt!)

This Christmas doesn’t HAVE to be perfect. In fact, the first Christmas was far from perfect and such a humble beginning - maybe your imperfect Christmas honors the first one more than any other!

I share this with you not for you to have pity on me. And certainly not so that you worry about us. We are better for it. But rather so that you see the importance of doing a thorough disclosure from the get go.

Our hearts hurt, our souls hurt and we felt broken. Know this ladies: asking questions is normal. It’s going to come and it’s disorienting, confusing and our husbands will not always be able to hold them well.

What I have learned is goodness, relief and calm does come. It's a process and while destruction happens overnight, healing takes longer. We learn to ride the wave.

As I step into the grief, I have to remind myself to go courageously and know that God will meet me with compassion and mercy. He is my hope.

Bottom Line: We must understand and respect what is happening in our brains and bodies in order to GET to detachment. Practicing grounding exercises and other strategies to decrease those trauma symptoms is KEY.

The Bible talks about being vulnerable and connecting a lot. We must love God, others and ourselves by being vulnerable and connecting with our actions, words and emotions. If we choose not to be vulnerable and connect then we can not be transformed by God. The Bible has provided us with practical ways to do this. In this blog post, we talk more on ways to be vulnerable and connect with God, self, and others daily.

Continuing the series on foundations, we look at what it looks like to wait. I wanted to make sure and chat about this during the Advent Season as there are some lovely parallels between the two.

Whether you are in early-recovery or even in mid-recovery, it can be really hard to figure out - what are the focal points? How do I make sure and cover all my bases so that I can move through this and not stay in pain and agony longer than is needed? We will touch on some things that are foundational in the recovery process to stay comfortable and safe.

When you think of comfort, what comes to mind? Most common answers include blankets or comfy clothing, food and warm drinks. Well one of my favorite comforts falls in these categories: I love banana bread. Read more on my story of a not so great banana bread recipe and how it relates to The Creator of the Universe being our source of true comfort.

I can say without hesitation that I like myself way better post-betrayal than who I was pre-betrayal. And just like what the Skin Horse refers to - I am not near as neat or packaged pretty on this side of it. And I LIKE that!