The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth - Part 1

Hi Ladies - continuing with the Foundations Series - I wanted to share about the Full Disclosures process.  This below is what came out of me - not exactly what I was expecting.  Such a tender part of my story and it feels vulnerable sharing it.  I will be back with a part 2 with more thoughts on the Full Disclosure.

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It was hot outside as I raced to the bookstore after seeing my last patient for the day.  I prayed as I walked in.  I remember the cold air was a welcome relief to my body - I had been sweating all day in that black car with the black leather seats.  Not your ideal car in the heat of a Texas summer.  

Back to praying - I quietly kept praying for something to show me the way, show me what to do.

I don’t recall which section I ended up in - but I was desperate to find a book that would help me.  My husband had been unfaithful to me.  But I truly had no clue what my next step should be.

I figured my best bet was to just not say anything about the phone call I had with her.  To not share all I knew when he, my husband, would arrive home the next day from his work trip.  I would keep it a secret.  Store it away and hopes it would go away forever.

I scanned the titles of the books.  I pulled several of them off the shelf, hoping that they would be the life line I was looking for.  I then slowly slid each book back into place, losing hope with each one that I would find the book that would show me the way.

Then I spotted a book entitled - “What to do When Your Spouse Says I Don’t Love You Anymore.”  Ouch, the title hurt.  I started bargaining with myself - he hadn’t actually said he didn’t love me.  Therefore, the book was probably not a fit for me.  Put it back. 

Deep down however, I was left to question his love for me.  So maybe it could help?

I flipped through the book while hot tears started to run down my cheeks.  Yes, indeed, this book was exactly what I needed to read.

I burst into tears by the time I got to the checkout counter, uncontrollably sobbing.  The last few days had finally caught up with me as I saw my world crumble before my eyes.

After paying for the book, I turned to walk out of the store and a kind woman, an angel really, stopped me and asked if she could pray over me.  I said yes and she lovingly showed me that I wasn’t alone.  God was with me.  She slipped her business card into my hand and I quickly fled to my car.

Once home, I knew I had about 24 hours before Jason would arrive home.  I had to come up with a plan.  Something better than just ignoring it.  I had done that for almost a year and it was ripping my insides out.

I sat down and read the book through the night.  And it was in that book that I first heard of a Full Disclosure.  Dr. Clarke called it The Document and it’s apart of Chapter Eight - the title you, yes all of you will love:  The Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the truth.  It gets even better - the subtitle:  You will be told everything in spoken words and in writing.

Thank you Dr. David Clarke.  Finally, someone that was willing to stand for me in getting the truth.  You are my literal hero.

As I read about The Document, I remember feeling my body relax.  THIS.  This was exactly what I needed.  I needed a written account of Jason’s actions.  I needed the full truth.  I needed him to sit down and commit to sharing exactly what happened.  Anything omitted would be a lie and it would be the biggest crack in our foundation.  It was his only chance.

Over the next 24 hours, I continued to question if I could stand up for truth like this.  Jason had made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in discussing the past - In fact, he told me several months earlier:  "What’s in the past will stay in the past.  We need to move on.”

It was not kind, it was not nice.  It was a threat.  And I bought into it. 

But not anymore.

The next evening, I prepared myself for the confrontation.  I wrote out exactly what I needed to say.  Just like Dr. Clarke suggested, I got angry prior to his arrival and used it as a motivator to push me through.  I told myself I had a right to be married to a faithful man.

I turned off all the lights in the house so that I could see Jason’s car coming and be prepared.

I sat on the stairs, with our dog Astro next to me, waiting.  Peering out the window.  Waiting.

I saw Jason come down the street and I knew it was time.

I turned on the living room light, heart literally beating out of my chest, and waited for him to walk in.

Without going into all the detail - what I want you to know is - I was strong.  I was brave.  I told him I had a right to the truth.

His face went pale.  He looked like he would faint.  An indication there was so much more.

I didn’t back down.  I slammed the book on the couch and told him - “If you care at all, you will read this.” 

I then went into my room, our room.  Locked the door and didn’t come out until the next morning.

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As always, I love hearing from you.  What resonates with you from my story?  What hurts?  What gives you hope?

xo - Shelley

ps. Part 2 of this post can be found here.