Safety is an experience. It’s a way of being. It’s feeling calm, connected, grounded. And THEN doing the recovery work from this place as much as possible. Is it perfect? Absolutely not. We will flow in and out. But staying in a place of safety is one of the foundational components to healing well.

Hasn't enough been stolen from her? Haven't so many of her choices and wishes been stripped from her? Let her decide. It's her story, too. (I feel like I need to make a t-shirt!)

I share this with you not for you to have pity on me. And certainly not so that you worry about us. We are better for it. But rather so that you see the importance of doing a thorough disclosure from the get go.

Our hearts hurt, our souls hurt and we felt broken. Know this ladies: asking questions is normal. It’s going to come and it’s disorienting, confusing and our husbands will not always be able to hold them well.

What I have learned is goodness, relief and calm does come. It's a process and while destruction happens overnight, healing takes longer. We learn to ride the wave.

As I step into the grief, I have to remind myself to go courageously and know that God will meet me with compassion and mercy. He is my hope.

Bottom Line: We must understand and respect what is happening in our brains and bodies in order to GET to detachment. Practicing grounding exercises and other strategies to decrease those trauma symptoms is KEY.

The Bible talks about being vulnerable and connecting a lot. We must love God, others and ourselves by being vulnerable and connecting with our actions, words and emotions. If we choose not to be vulnerable and connect then we can not be transformed by God. The Bible has provided us with practical ways to do this. In this blog post, we talk more on ways to be vulnerable and connect with God, self, and others daily.

Continuing the series on foundations, we look at what it looks like to wait. I wanted to make sure and chat about this during the Advent Season as there are some lovely parallels between the two.

Whether you are in early-recovery or even in mid-recovery, it can be really hard to figure out - what are the focal points? How do I make sure and cover all my bases so that I can move through this and not stay in pain and agony longer than is needed? We will touch on some things that are foundational in the recovery process to stay comfortable and safe.

When you think of comfort, what comes to mind? Most common answers include blankets or comfy clothing, food and warm drinks. Well one of my favorite comforts falls in these categories: I love banana bread. Read more on my story of a not so great banana bread recipe and how it relates to The Creator of the Universe being our source of true comfort.

I can say without hesitation that I like myself way better post-betrayal than who I was pre-betrayal. And just like what the Skin Horse refers to - I am not near as neat or packaged pretty on this side of it. And I LIKE that!

Well, it’s my loose segue into this concept of pain causing us to be stripped of the things we love. I remember early on in the recovery process having days where the pain was so bad I could not get out of bed. This pain took me away from laughing with my kids. It took away my ability to look at old pictures, my wedding pictures as well as photos of when my kids were born. It took away so much of my life that I loved. Ladies, this pain can take us to some deep dark places.

What does growing WELL look like in difficult life situations or during our recovery process? What I have realized is - in order to thrive WELL - we must learn how to live in the present.

Bottom line: let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable in the bodies God gave us. This could mean air-conditioning and this could also mean positive self-talk or anything in between but it does NOT have to mean losing weight. The end.

I don’t even think I realized how uncomfortable I was in my own home. By evening, I could feel sweat rolling down my back; then at night, I would lie in bed with no covers over me, waiting for the heat to pass. It just became the norm, the expected. Could there be a better way? I refused, stubbornly, to see air-conditioning as an option.

The first is to develop techniques and skills that will help us navigate the actual trigger. Think of these as your breaking-point strategies when you actually get triggered. The second is to develop habits and skills that will help your brain calm down and not be in a traumatized, heightened state. Think of these as your maintenance strategies. I explain this further below.

Today I am not where I used to be, praise God. I am not trying to fix it, I am not denying it. I have moved through it and am living in a place of so much joy, peace and wholeness.

Whatever you are facing today that is causing you to feel powerless, I want you to hear me say: you don’t have to stay here. The war is already won.

I think it’s important that we name the impact that trauma has had on our lives. And how it impacts our behaviors. Naming the pain helps validate what we are experiencing. And it also gives us a loose roadmap for seeing if we are moving in the right direction or not as we look for - are these symptoms improving? Or no?

Since reframing trauma in this way, I have also been able to reframe the implications of trauma. It doesn’t mean that there is no hope. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is the abuser.