On Becoming
HI Friends!
I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve sat down to share my heart with you. As you may (or may not) know - writing pieces for you here on the blog is one of my most favorite things. My dream might just be to write all day - but that doesn’t necessarily keep the lights on around here.
My plan for this Fall is to start working on a book proposal / my next book as well as partnering with Tracy to work on a devotional for you. As I look at my calendar, I’m not sure when I will have the time to sit down and really dig into these next projects. I am learning that things take so much more time for me to complete (for instance, the Boundaries MasterClass took me 18 months from start to finish!). I’m learning a lot about being patient and letting these projects take the time that they need in order to become.
Before we talk more about becoming - I want to give you a glimpse as to what you can look forward to reading from us this Fall: we are going to dive into talking about some of the Foundational Pieces of this process. Whether you are new to this process or whether you consider yourself a veteran - this will apply to you.
For instance, in October - we are going to talk about comfort in our home and in our bodies and the importance of that as we navigate recovery. Then as we move into November and December, we will talk about safety, knowing our limits / getting angry, watching and waiting and last but certainly not least - disclosure.
It’s going to be good.
Back to Becoming
The first thing I think of when I think about “becoming” is book entitled The Velveteen Rabbit. A sweet friend (whom was once a member in one of my groups) mentioned the book to me years ago. Sure, I had heard of the book but I hadn’t ever read it in it’s entirety. If you haven’t taken the time to read this book, I beg you to.
The Skin Horse talks to the Rabbit about what it looks like to become Real. And this process of becoming. He says this:
“It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” - Margery Williams
What is Becoming
Before even typing out the above quote for this article, I took notes of what becoming looks like to me. Here is what I came up with:
• Becoming is the potential that awaits us all as we take our next little step forward in this process.
• Becoming is shedding the old in order to step into the new. It takes faith.
• Becoming is getting to choose what is worth reclaiming, and what needs to be left behind.
• Becoming is stepping into the wake of the shattered dreams, shattered expectations; and believing that on the other side of this - you will find her. The woman you were always meant to be.
And I will now add to this list:
• Becoming takes time, it’s not for the faint of heart, and it’s strictly for those of us that go through the process of becoming real.
Encouragement For You
Taking these thoughts from above, there are three things I want to share with you to encourage you to keep going on this journey. Because girls - there is so much good that awaits you!
#1 - this process of becoming is a faith builder. To shed the old and make room for the new - especially for those of us that don’t like change (that would be MEEEE!). To step into the exposure of not knowing what the new even holds?! Are you kidding me?
Ladies, it feels like so much exposure. Know that you are not alone as you go through this process and step up and out of the “old”. This season will NOT be wasted!
#2 - and piggy backing off of number one - I want you to know that who you are leaving behind is absolutely nothing compared to who you will find. I can say without hesitation that I like myself way better post-betrayal than who I was pre-betrayal. And just like what the Skin Horse refers to - I am not near as neat or packaged pretty on this side of it. And I LIKE that!
I am NOT saying that I didn’t grieve the parts of my life that I had to say good-bye to: whether it was innocence, purity within my marriage, (yes, big stuff!), a naive trust. Grief was so important, so do it - and also rest-assured that who you are becoming is so. much. better: strong, brave, worthy, enough.
#3 - Keep in mind that through this process of becoming, you get to choose what you want to reclaim (dignity, confidence, certain locations that are now triggering) and what isn’t worth redeeming (some of those other triggering locations, your wedding dress, certain holidays). You get to choose. And it’s okay to not reclaim it all.
Cheers to becoming. Keep going. Stay the course. Know that you can do this. Would love, as always, to hear your thoughts!
xo - Shelley