That said - things are NOT equal post-betrayal. So to pretend like things are equal is just dismissing the level of pain she is experiencing. There is a divide in the relationship that must be repaired. And by embracing the 90/10 posture - reconciliation has an opportunity to flourish.

Here is what I recognize: shame is what drives him to act out. And then once we are made aware of his acting out - shame is transferred over to us. And we look at ourselves in the mirror and we think: I’m not good enough.

This Christmas doesn’t HAVE to be perfect. In fact, the first Christmas was far from perfect and such a humble beginning - maybe your imperfect Christmas honors the first one more than any other!