I can say without hesitation that I like myself way better post-betrayal than who I was pre-betrayal. And just like what the Skin Horse refers to - I am not near as neat or packaged pretty on this side of it. And I LIKE that!

Well, it’s my loose segue into this concept of pain causing us to be stripped of the things we love. I remember early on in the recovery process having days where the pain was so bad I could not get out of bed. This pain took me away from laughing with my kids. It took away my ability to look at old pictures, my wedding pictures as well as photos of when my kids were born. It took away so much of my life that I loved. Ladies, this pain can take us to some deep dark places.

Confession time: I’ve spent so many years hiding girls. If I'm TOTALLY honest and vulnerable with you - I've gotten good at hiding my Faith and my work / life story. Two incredibly important things that deserve to take up a lot of space.

It wasn’t until year six in our recovery that I got to a point where I realized the risk of change was less than the risk of staying the same. I had a sweet baby boy, God’s gift to us and yet my heart was cold. I knew I didn’t want this to be my family’s legacy. So one night, lying in bed, I decided to choose to trust God again. To give Him my life.

I remember finally getting to the point where I allowed myself to grieve-I would wail for hours in my closet and the sounds coming from deep inside actually frightened me. I realized at this moment that because I hadn’t allowed myself to fully grieve anything since childhood, it was years of pain and heartache all coming out like floodwaters through a broken dam.

It brings me such great comfort to see that God truly does care about the desires of our hearts. He cares about the little details.