Sadly, those cards don't exist. Note to self: you should seriously write down all the sentiments you feel and start making your own cards for women with a similar story. I bet they'd be popular.

And little did I know, those first few years after betrayal served as training ground to develop coping strategies that I could continue to use as the years ticked by.

This is an ever evolving practice at our home and we feel like we are almost constantly fighting for it. It never comes easy.

The decision has been made, the "no" is out there. And yet, I don't have total clarity in what God asked me to do because I haven't landed yet. My feet are not on solid ground. I can't look back with that 20/20 hindsight and say - "ah! This is why!"

Little did I know that holding myself to a perfect standard, also meant I expected everyone around me to be held to those same expectations.

Remember, nothing will be impossible with God.

...and without the support from other wives I would have had neither strength nor courage enough to take that risk.

So I knew I was in for the wait. And in that wait, I knew I had choices to make.

We open our hands wide, and allow our hearts, our souls, our bodies to feel the pain. We assure ourselves that relief will come in the morning. And until then, we wait it out.

Because honestly, sometimes I feel like it’s the kind of different that isn’t even cool. It’s the kind of different that offends others and makes other moms roll their eyes and smile cruelly.

This week has been more of the same - sitting down on the couch, connecting, sharing our hearts. And it's been good. Deep, sacred, fully knowing one another.

Girls, this was a huge awakening for me. It opened my eyes to the fact that I oftentimes change little parts of me to make sure I fit in with whomever is in front of me.

The bottle has tipped and the pain can finally pour out, making way for joy and peace to be poured back in. I begin to feel a freedom I hadn't felt my whole life.

I knew what it was like to suffer deep and I knew I wasn’t alone. Part of our humanity is to suffer. To experience the deep shattering pain that takes our breath away.

For those of us {most of us} that didn't have this luxury, oh boy, does it ever feel as awkward as a middle school dance.

Pornography addictions can be especially tricky because oftentimes the people around us (our husbands, friends and culture at large) are screaming that it’s really OK.

Because coming up for a breath of air ever so often is a really good thing. In fact, I think it's really good self-care to take such breaks.

It brings me such great comfort to see that God truly does care about the desires of our hearts. He cares about the little details.

So not only can writing about our anger, our feelings, our emotions help us gain empathy for ourselves, it also can help boost our immune systems. Love.

I just can't believe that we are coming up on 13 years into this process and there is still work to do. Not the ugly slow work of the first three or so years but work none-the-less.