Intimacy is the antidote
Jason and I have been working on a little {big} project since the Spring of 2015 that we are about to see to completion. Last weekend we worked hard on shooting videos and adding questions to the on-line workbook.As we were chatting about one of the videos, we were talking about how intimacy is the antidote to so much that we as husbands and wives deal with in recovery.
It's the antidote to shame. It's the antidote to acting out. It's the antidote to our brokenness.You see, when we choose into vulnerability and share the parts of ourselves that we fear others knowing, shame has no place to hide.When we start to talk about our brokenness and be fully known just as we are - we realize we aren't alone. Not only do the barriers that isolate us (like envy, comparison and competition) begin to crumble but we also begin to realize pretty quickly that we all know pain, we all know grief and really, we aren't so different after all.
So this intimacy, this being fully known - why then is it so hard?
There are several reasons we shrink back and don't take that leap of faith. For starters, it's risky. There is a real risk of rejection when we show up and be fully known in the presence of others. And for {all} of us that have dealt with rejection - it's painful. It hurts like none other. So sometimes it feels easier to isolate, to self-protect, to not show up.Second, it's an active process that takes intentionality. Hiding in the dark is so much easier to do as compared to showing up and letting the light shine down on the innermost parts of our soul. In a world where we are all hurried and rushed and busy - no wonder we choose the easy road more often.And last, it's awkward, especially at first. I guess if you grew up in a home where emotions and feelings were validated and discussed, loved and affirmed; maybe this wouldn't be so awkward. For those of us {most of us} that didn't have this luxury, oh boy, does it ever feel as awkward as a middle school dance.{Or as awkward as that time in middle school when my mom dressed me up as a bag of jelly beans for the popular girl's, Halloween party. Yep, you know where this is going. First awkward part is - I couldn't sit down. But did I try? Oh yes, I did.Second and most dreadful part - the jelly beans (that were balloons) started falling out of the very clear AND very large plastic bag (that I somehow was wearing with small holes for my neck, arms and legs).My mom is SUPER creative, people, I still don't now how she got me in that thick plastic.Whew, I'm sweating just thinking about it.Well, talk about awkward when I started seeing the balloons jelly beans throughout popular girl's house. I didn't even realize I had a tear in my bag!And then third and most horrific was witnessing the awkward 7th grade boys trying to pop the balloons by jumping on them. Oh my gosh, I want to hide right now!!!}__________________________________________________________All laughter aside, here's the deal y'all - intimacy is key. And I'm not talking about sexual intimacy. I'm talking about fully-known, I know you, you know me, from the inside out and we will work toward accepting and loving each other right where we are at, kind of intimacy.Even the really embarrassing and awkward parts of our story - like Sunny's 7th grade Halloween party.How's that for being fully known?I'd love to hear from you - why is it hard for you to be fully known? And what are some of the road blocks you are running into along the way? And as a bonus, if I hear from a lot of you, I don't know, let's say 25 women, I'll post a photo of myself from 7th grade in my jelly bean get-up! xo-Shelley