On what precludes us from connecting and creating space for connection to occur

So in all seriousness, I just recovered from Christmas two nights ago.  I'm so not kidding.I had junk piles everywhere, thank you notes to write, returns to make and decor to put away (and mind you, I am a minimalist when it comes to Christmas decor, I can't imagine if I decked the walls like my momma does!).A couple of my girlfriends have been talking about their summer camp plans for their littles this week and I'm thinking, "Can I just get through January first?!" (Does anyone else feel me here?!)Which leads me to my thoughts for you today:  how to stay connected with your husband amidst this busy life we all lead. ('Cause I don't care what stage of life you are in, honey, you are busy. Snap, snap, snap.)So let's have a chat.  Get comfy now and come close (and no, I'm not the wolf that tried to eat little red riding hood!)  Let's first talk about why it's so darn difficult to stay connected:For starters, remember that the default setting is broken.  (I love saying this, by the way!)  Although connection can feel so good when it's done right - it always comes at a cost because connecting = vulnerability and anytime there is vulnerability, there is a risk of rejection.  So for all of us, isolation might always have a stronger pull.  That's our default setting.Second, there are so many things vying for our attention.  Whatever your favorite media outlet - it doesn't matter - we are constantly being bombarded with information and entertainment.  And if it's not media - it's something else that's constantly requiring your attention (i.e. littles).  If you had to sit down and write out your top 5 greatest distractions from connecting with your husband, what would they be?  And how easy is it to come up with 5 things?  So easy!And last, it's {hard} work.  Simple?  Maybe.  But easy?  Not at all.  Don't confuse simple with easy. No ma'am.  Case in point, Jason and I will try to have a meaningful conversation while our kids are around and it's pretty ridiculous and maddening.  It literally takes us 3 hours to get half way through a conversation.  One of us normally concedes with "We'll talk when we're 50!"As in - I. give. up.Alright, now that we've established the fact that connected with our husbands is going to be a challenge, I'd like to share with you how Jason and I have created space for connection to occur.

This is an ever evolving practice at our home and we feel like we are almost constantly fighting for it.  It never comes easy.

So here they are - the three times that work best for us to connect:After dinner - our bellies are full and our children are usually happy.  Once the boys have cleared off the table we encourage them to go play in the playroom (or outside if it's summer).  Jason and I usually have a good 10 minutes to connect - uninterrupted.  This usually makes a huge impact on how the rest of the evening transpires.After the littles have gone to bed - I'd say this is probably our favorite time of the day to connect.  Sometimes we have a little work to do so we'll set a time to meet on the couch.  Even if it's just for 30 minutes (although oftentimes we need more like 90) to meet eye to eye and connect.  It's amazing what we're able to unearth while our boys are asleep!Once our heads hit the pillow - this is a time of connection that we definitely have to fight for.  We have very different bedtime routines - with my routine being a {bit} more extensive.  I like to shower before bed and read a little before we chat.  Jason on the other hand is a no-nonsense, let's get in bed asap, turn off the light, and before I can say "let's talk", he's out.  We're still working through how to make this one work - and it takes sacrifice on both of our parts.  For me, a little less reading (or none at all) and for Jason, well, he actually sometimes lets me wake him up when I get in bed so we can chat.  Now that is commitment right there!Remember - connection is critical in order to not only survive but thrive in your marriage after betrayal.  As simple as it might sound, it's not easy.  In fact, it's a fight.Would love to hear from you ladies - when during the day do you connect?  What do you see as roadblocks prohibiting you from connecting?  Sometimes identifying the roadblocks is half the battle.xo-Shelley