When the pain just won't go away
{Pssst - I've been talking about connection all month long. Read the first two posts here and here if you haven't already!}Connecting with God, self and others is at the heart of this recovery process both for husbands and for wives. And to be clear, we need all three. God created us for connection not just with Him but also with ourselves and with others.And yet, the reality is, sometimes even this connection won't take away the pain we experience.
Less than twenty-four hours ago, this is exactly where I was at. I was feeling emotional pain and I knew I'd better buckle up because the work was about to begin. I connected with Jason, I went on a run, I journaled. These things no doubt helped but it didn't take away the pain completely.This morning, I woke up and although I felt lighter initially, it didn't last.
So I knew I was in for the wait.
And in that wait, I knew I had choices to make. I could ruin my entire day with the belly ache I'd be dealing with if I helped myself to heaps of my boys' Halloween candy sitting in the pantry. Another poor option: on-line cyber Monday shopping but I knew I'd deal with major regret if I chose to spend our hard earned money on things I don't even need by shopping on-line.Yes indeed, I have choices to make - and that in and of itself is a bit scary because my track record is certainly not pristine clean!So I {for once} made a positive choice - I reached out to friends. I then tried to connect with God by listening to two Flatirons podcasts that I missed recently. I loved myself well by going on a run in the freezing wind and making myself warm soup and sourdough bread for lunch. (I'm giggling as I proof this - maybe I've been reading The Little Red Hen a bit much to my little lately but it might appear that I made soup and bread from scratch so just to be clear - canned soup and bread toasted in the toaster from the grocery store.)
And yet, the pain is still here.
So I wait.
It reminds me of Psalm 40:1 where David says,
"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."
In this passage, the Hebrew word for wait is qavah. Qavah also means "to hope", "to strengthen" and "to expect".So this waiting that we do - we want to do it well. We want to continue to connect with God, ourselves and others. We want to love ourselves well and do our best to make good choices.And in this wait - we choose to have an expectant hope. A hope that at some point, God will lift us out of the slimy pit and set our feet on a rock. In the wait, He will refine us and we will be stronger for it on the other side.That is our hope.Do you know what this means? It means we put a teeny tiny bit of faith in God. We lean into trusting Him. And this, my friends, can be oh-so-difficult.Waiting is hard work. It's life work.
Come on girls, I know I'm so not alone in the wait I feel today. Let's do this together. Let's wait with hope. Let's expect God to lift us out of the slimy pit. Let's trust in Him. Let's believe that there is more strength in store for us on the other side.xo-Shelley