Needless to say, this ever-so-important part of our relationship hasn’t been easy. Early on in our recovery, the safest way for me to engage sexually was in the dark. But, thankfully, it has evolved over time.

Our most important relationship here on earth, the one we have with our husbands, has been destroyed. We are left feeling anything but worthy. But in order to set boundaries, we must draw from our worthiness.

What reading Habakkuk is teaching me is that it's when we grapple and wrestle with our situations - it's through this that we have the potential to move closer to God.

It's so important for wives early on in this process to understand that oftentimes, the lying, is the last to go.

When I think about that event, my most poignant memory is of the tall woman standing in the back of the room with her arms crossed. As she catapulted a question my way, her tone revealed my story had hit close to home.

It seems I've had just enough time to tackle the must-do's on my to-do's and I'm not building in any margin for the things on my list that feed my soul.

I'm sure it would be lovely about now to insert a Bible verse given I'm a Christian and all - but the first thing that came to mind was Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger".

short video response to a blog post I wrote recently

When he told me his half-truth that night some 12 years ago while we were lying in bed, I realized my heart had been talking truth to me all along.

It's only when you are doing these things that your wife can actually start to feel she is safe enough to grieve your past - her present. You hear me? She is grieving her present reality. Her truth.

It helps me feel relieved that it's okay where I'm at and it's okay where you're at. God has a purpose for each of us. Today.

My dream slowly started to crumble when I realized that Jason hadn't chosen just me.

This is difficult because after being hurt beyond belief, my reaction was to draw the bridge and put alligators in the mote.

I identify that the one experience, more than any other, that started to refine this character trait, was coming to terms with the fact that Jason was unfaithful to me.

There is so much heart change that MUST come with this integrity change. And unfortunately, a lot of men get sober. And then they stop. The heart change never comes.

So although we can't stop shame from happening, we can figure out the best way to respond to it and work through it in a healthy way.

And if we don't have some strategies in place to help us get through the hour, the day, the week... well, we're going to sink.

So that's me. Today. That's my heart. Please don't run away.

Forgiveness is supernatural. And I'm never ever going to feel in my human heart like doing it. But this, dear sisters, is what I can tell you: I know it works.

It's through giving up control, surrendering our outcome, and letting others into our pain that we start to find ourselves again.