The first is to develop techniques and skills that will help us navigate the actual trigger. Think of these as your breaking-point strategies when you actually get triggered. The second is to develop habits and skills that will help your brain calm down and not be in a traumatized, heightened state. Think of these as your maintenance strategies. I explain this further below.

Today I am not where I used to be, praise God. I am not trying to fix it, I am not denying it. I have moved through it and am living in a place of so much joy, peace and wholeness.

Whatever you are facing today that is causing you to feel powerless, I want you to hear me say: you don’t have to stay here. The war is already won.

I think it’s important that we name the impact that trauma has had on our lives. And how it impacts our behaviors. Naming the pain helps validate what we are experiencing. And it also gives us a loose roadmap for seeing if we are moving in the right direction or not as we look for - are these symptoms improving? Or no?

Since reframing trauma in this way, I have also been able to reframe the implications of trauma. It doesn’t mean that there is no hope. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is the abuser.

When we name our pain, we are restoring honor and dignity.

Confession time: I’ve spent so many years hiding girls. If I'm TOTALLY honest and vulnerable with you - I've gotten good at hiding my Faith and my work / life story. Two incredibly important things that deserve to take up a lot of space.

It wasn’t until year six in our recovery that I got to a point where I realized the risk of change was less than the risk of staying the same. I had a sweet baby boy, God’s gift to us and yet my heart was cold. I knew I didn’t want this to be my family’s legacy. So one night, lying in bed, I decided to choose to trust God again. To give Him my life.

I remember finally getting to the point where I allowed myself to grieve-I would wail for hours in my closet and the sounds coming from deep inside actually frightened me. I realized at this moment that because I hadn’t allowed myself to fully grieve anything since childhood, it was years of pain and heartache all coming out like floodwaters through a broken dam.

I try to be fairly transparent here and have mentioned this in my monthly letter - my anxiety went through the roof once the kids started on-line school again in August. There were several weeks in a row where I was fighting to get through - like legit clawing my way out. The strategies I mention in the video, I was using on the daily.

But keep in mind - detachment is for YOU. It’s for you to gain clarity, to get more connected to yourself, and to truly see - how much effort is he going to put into the relationship.

Stay the course.

How are we hanging in? It’s officially Fall which makes my heart so so happy. Love me some Fall.

In the last blog post, I talked about what it looks like to show up for others and to also show up for ourselves. I even included some ways I’ve showed up for myself this week - just to get your mind churning as to how you can show up for YOU.

Cause this momma isn't porn, never has been, never will be. I'm the real deal.  The whole enchilada.  I'm mind, heart, body and soul.  Not just a body.

Embracing partial solutions actually makes me feel like I can breathe - it gives me freedom.

I realized - within me was a little girl that was heartbroken - and this is what made the situation so very painful.  The little girl within.

Joseph's story clearly shows us that none of us are immune from life's hardships.  And in fact - it's the hardships that have the potential to refine us and purify us and make us even more like Him.

This is my hope for all of us - that we would remain faithful and continue to put our hope and our trust in Him.  God will show us the way.