Showing Up - Part One

A couple of weeks ago, we were at a soccer game, watching our oldest son out on the field. Most of the boys were looking fairly fatigued - thanks to the heat we’ve had here in Denver as of late as well as because they were playing in the 2nd of two back-to-back games.

Jason pulled our middle son up onto his lap - and he told H - do you see how the boys are getting tired? Do you see how they are starting to slow down? Harrison nodded his head. Jason then said - this is when I want you to try to give it just a little more. This is one of your best chances to dig deeper within yourself and make a goal.

I don’t recall how Harrison responded, but I do remember clearly thinking - hmmmm… this fatigue we are watching on the field - this is where a lot of us are at in this season of life.

We’re fatigued. I’m fatigued.

Whether it’s recovery fatigue, virus fatigue or zoom fatigue - there is a lot of fatigue out there. So much fatigue that sometimes even the simplest of tasks feels difficult. Know you aren’t alone.

I sat with Jason’s words and realized that this wasn’t the time to give up. This was the time to dig a little deeper and to keep moving forward.

Even with all the pain and grief of this season (for me - it’s primarily surrounding my children + school and the impact there; I know for most of you reading this it’s that PLUS being in the thick of betrayal) - I needed to figure out - what does it look like to fully show up? What does it look like to fight a little longer? Rest a little harder? Be more kind, gentle and loving to myself?

Let’s dig into this a bit more…

Fully Showing Up

Who or what are you showing up for?

When it comes to betrayal recovery - part of our process is fully showing up for ourselves. Seeing that we matter and that we are worth doing the hard work to get to the other side. This can be super challenging because of the assault betrayal has on our self confidence. It’s hard to show up for ourselves when we are lacking in esteem.

One of the best ways I have seen women through the years find their confidence again is through support groups. Think of this as a safe place where you can be fully known, lay it all out on the table, and have others circle the wagon and love you just as you are. It’s incredibly healing. (Side note - there will be at least one new group starting this Fall at RL for Women - if you are interested, please let me know and I can put you on the wait list so that you can receive more details!)

Sometimes it’s easier to show up for others; rather than ourselves. Case in point - one of the things I decided after overhearing the convo at the soccer field is I really needed to start showing up for my boys. I would rather them be in school, they would rather BE in school - but it’s not where we are at. Our school district is on-line for the first eight weeks minimum. And my attitude was stinking.

So how could I show up for them in this new reality?

For this first week of school - it looked primarily like having a positive attitude. I didn’t want to be inauthentic - but I did want to show up for my boys by encouraging them and telling them that together we could do this. We have celebrated when the school day is over with cheers and hugs. We have enjoyed some yummy snacks during snack break. We have jumped on our bikes and raced around the block when there is a moment to stretch our legs. I even put this post-it on my desk to remind me what my priority is for this week.

And - I realize, as I am typing this - that I also need to show up for myself. Like I said, for some of us, this will be even harder. But it’s important.

How have I showed up for myself this week? Here are some of the things I’ve done - I share these with the hope that it will help you figure out what you can do to show up for you. And I’d love for you to share how you showed up for you in the comments below.

1 - I exercised four days this week.

2 - I said yes to happy hour this evening at a friend’s house.

3 - I washed my hair more than once (it’s the little things!).

4 - I told Jason that I needed his help keeping the house picked up (because tidy house = calm brain for me). And Jason said - I’m on it. We shall see what the condition is when I get home!

5 - I stepped away from the house today and am at the office writing and creating for a small window of time.

6 - I laid down on the couch several times this week for about 10 minutes just to rest my body.

7 - I went on a walk all by myself and enjoyed just listening to nature.

8 - I was vulnerable with a friend and with Jason about some insecurities I’ve experienced this week.

In the next blog post, we will continue to explore the other questions - fighting a little longer (or not?!), loving ourselves well and resting. Stay tuned!

xo - Shelley