And I'm beginning to think that one of the ways I can make friends with winter is to embrace its meaning. And for me, I'm beginning to think that winter = loving myself well. Taking a break, slowing down, and being good to my soul.

Just a quick note to let you know there is a new group starting December 2, 2015!

I was letting Jason completely and totally in. This is a big deal for a woman recovering from intimacy aversion. It's called being fully known.

Ladies, there are no quick fixes out there. Skipping ahead means you're missing out on true sanctification. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Put on your brave pants and come on. Together we can do this. One step at a time.

It forced me to look for the things that truly make my heart skip a beat.

Could it be that in order to be fully known in our relationship with our husband, we must first be fully known (as best as we know how) with ourselves?

As someone very witty once told me, "Well, Shelley, it sounds like you signed up for a personal development course and you didn't even know you registered for it!"

Just a quick heads up that there are two new groups kicking off this fall! One just started a couple of weeks ago and the other is set to launch on September 1st.

It isn't necessarily about doing something to take the pain away. But rather sitting in our individual circumstances. Taking a deep breath. Loving ourselves well. Doing what we can to help ourselves. And waiting on God. A tricky balance for sure.

So it seems this depression, this breakdown, well - it brought me to my knees. And I recognized yet again how fragile my mind is, and yours, too. Call it spiritual warfare. Call it whatever you may. A breakdown is no joke.

In the end, I know that keeping things hidden in the dark feed the shame. So it's something I've tried to be transparent about slowly but surely over the last year.

I believe that it's so important for every woman faced with the reality that her husband has betrayed her - whether it's pornography, affairs, lust or anything in between - have the support she needs and know that she is not alone.

Most of the time, especially early on in the process - she will relate to me that her husband is defensive. It's a go-to, natural, human reaction. And it's so not okay.

I was afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid to disagree. Afraid of what Jason might think of me.

We don't have to forgive perfectly, grieve perfectly, or go through this process perfectly.

Being able to name my shame and its roots wrapped up in this false belief that I have to be perfect...well, there is freedom in that.

I wish I could say that I knew exactly what it looked like to be grounded before Jason and I started this process some eleven and a half years ago, but I didn't.

God heard my cry. So he gave me an opportunity to practice once again no less than forty-eight hours later.

So here I am. Naming insecurity. Sitting in awareness. Working towards accepting all the different facets of me and overtime desiring to love all the different facets of me.

Little did I know that this was the beginning of an invisible me. There was a high cost that I would pay for standing in the shadows.