Re-framing what progress looks like

Last year, I wrote a post about the fact that this process never ends.  This post was primarily directed toward husbands, for the most part, because it seems that some of them think that after they've confessed their ugly truth and their wife sheds some tears, it's time to move on.

Not the case.

In this post, I'd like to shift gears and talk to wives about something similar, yet different.  Specifically, what it looks like to be making progress on this never-ending journey.  Because early on - us ladies want need to see that there is some progress being made.  How badly I wanted to be a couple of years into a good clean recovery in those early days.  I almost couldn't bear it.   And yet, sometimes, we get so caught up in the "Are we making any progress?"  that we lose sight of what is staring us in the face.  We lose sight of the teeny-tiny events in our day-to-day that when combined with all the other teeny-tiny events - culminate into progress.  Real progress. I remember several years ago, Jason and I were not seeing eye-to-eye.  It reached critical mass partly because he was headed to speak at EMB.  And we both knew it was a no-win situation if he left the house and we hadn't at a minimum reached a place of peace.  We were nowhere near peace and time wasn't standing still.What I didn't realize at the time was that we were at a bend in the road.  We didn't plop down at this bend in the road overnight.  Rather, it was through a series of conversations and tears and sorting-throughs that brought us to this place.  As much as I wanted to believe the lie that "this would never get resolved" and "Jason can't hear me and never will be able to...", looking back, I see this really hard series of conversations as another step in the right direction.  Yes, it was painful.  Yes, it was dirty.  Yes, it felt like we were taking steps way back.  But after we picked ourselves up and dusted ourselves off - we both realized that it was in fact a step in the right direction.

Even if the conversation ends and you feel no better for it.  In fact, you might feel even worse.  I believe that even with these conversations, there are hidden treasures slowly being excavated.

If this post is resonating with you, because you really feel you need to see some progress - STAT - keep these three questions close to heart:

• what did I learn about myself today?
• how could I improve my communication toward my husband, specifically regarding what I need and how I feel?
• what area of my heart feels the most broken and in what way have I allowed God to begin to heal me today?

Oftentimes, it's the dirty work of communication, sorting through a range of emotions, sharing how we really feel, and asking for what we need that over time equates to progress.As much as you'd like to be 10 steps forward on this journey, in a place where you aren't crying every day, in a place where you feel grounded more than 50% of the time, in a place where your heart isn't busted into a million pieces...Remember that there are treasures in today.  There are teeny-tiny things to learn and to grow from.Ladies, there are no quick fixes out there.  Skipping ahead means you're missing out on true sanctification.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.  Put on your brave pants and come on.  Together we can do this.  One step at a time.