Processing the Ugly Feelings Within

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever completely grow up.  Especially when it comes to my feelings and emotions.  It seems that in a lot of ways, I am walking along side my three little boys and as I teach them to first feel their emotions, put words to their emotions and work through their emotions; I realize that I am learning to do the same thing with them.Case in point, over the last couple of weeks, I have dealt with the all too familiar feelings of jealousy.  I've mentioned this as an issue in my life before.  In all seriousness, feelings of jealousy are some of my least favorite feelings on the planet.  And as I strive to seek awareness with my feelings, I see that there is still more work to do.In the past, I have started with self-criticizing myself when I have felt jealous.  So when the jealousy crept into my heart recently, my instinctive reaction was to self-criticize.  It looks something like this:  "You really have a problem.  why can't you just be happy for her?  Why do you have to feel jealous?  Most people probably never feel this way.  Something is really wrong with you."  It pains me to even type this out.  Because it isn't truth.                 So after I started down this road of self-criticism, I stopped.  I said no.  I told myself, I'm human.  Jealousy happens.  I'm not Jesus.  I don't have to be perfect.Later that afternoon, I went on a run.  I talked to God.  I confessed my jealousy to Him.  I told Him I don't want to feel this way in my heart.  I asked for forgiveness.  And asked him to help me work through these feelings.God heard my cry.  So he gave me an opportunity to practice once again no less than forty-eight hours later.  Different situation.  Same feelings.  Jealousy.  Awesome.Take two went like this in my head:   "Oh awesome!  Here we go again.  I feel jealous.  This is normal.  I don't have to be perfect.  Jesus is perfect.  I'm not.  And that's why I need Jesus.  Right here.  Right now."  Deep breath.I then started to ask myself, "where is this coming from?  Am I feeling insecure?  Do I feel unsafe in some way?  Am I grounded right now?"  I can answer these quickly for you here:  yes, yes and no.What landed me on solid ground {wasn't trying to exert my control} was reminding myself of something I've had to remind myself of plenty of times.  Almost like a breathe prayer, I told myself, "I am exactly where God has asked me to be.  I have chosen to stay home with my littles.  I have chosen to write and to speak.  I have chosen to help wives.  I choose to rest in this." Last night, I met up with my wives group.  The one I've been a part of for five and a half years, and yes, that is me bragging because I am oh so proud of our little group.  I told them of my jealous heart.  And how I'm trying to work through it.  And I left feeling relief.Allowing others into the dark places of my heart and soul.  It's necessary.  And dirty.  And today, I feel grateful.  Grateful that God loves me enough to give me my go-to girls.  And grateful to love me enough go give me a take 2, even if it still is one of the worst feelings on the planet.What about you...have you felt the pangs of jealousy recently?  how did you cope?  From a different angle, has God given you a take 2 recently?  An opportunity to be refined further in a certain area?  I'd love to hear about it!!!