Break. Down. Part 2.

It's because of your encouraging comments that I take the next step of faith and post part 2 of my big break (and no, I'm not talking about an acting career).Picking up where I left off last time...As I started to pick up the pieces last summer, I couldn't help but to ask God "why?".  Why was he allowing something like this to happen to me?  The fear I was dealing with was palpable.  I remembered God's faithfulness in showing me He intends to turn everything, yes everything we go through for good.  But I didn't quite know how this breakdown could ever be for my good.  No way.(Side-note - you guys, I can't even begin to tell you how scary this break down was.  I was so anxious.  So fearful.  My mind was not okay.  At one point, I thought I might need to be hospitalized.  I know I'm not the only one that's been there.  So scary.  So real.)As Jason and I started to pick up the pieces, it became evident that I had been struggling with post-partum depression.  I felt the pangs of depression after our first two babies were born, and so probably thought how I was feeling post-Norman was "normal".  I recognized that returning to work was a huge buffer toward the baby blues after my first two boys were born, but with Norms, I didn't return to my career as a Physical Therapist.  In addition, there were other things that alone, might not have been a big deal but all combined - led to that scary place.  My parents, our biggest supporters, moved back to Texas.  Norman wasn't well.  Tru started kindergarten.  Jason's first book was slated to be released.  The list goes on a bit more.  You get the point.There was something else that set me up, years before, for this breakdown.  And this, my dear ones, is important to mention.  It was the trauma I experienced twelve years ago when Jason confessed his ugly truth.  It was such a stressful and traumatic time for me.  And I believe it set me up to be more vulnerable to future stressors.  It's my reality.  And it could also be yours.So it seems this depression, this breakdown, well - it brought me to my knees.  And I recognized yet again how fragile my mind is, and yours, too.  Call it spiritual warfare.  Call it whatever you may.  A breakdown is no joke.It wasn't long before Jason and I were devising a plan.  A plan on how to get me well.  It started with self-care  (which is part of the reason I'm a huge proponent these days of self-care).  And asking for help from my family and friends.  My house was burning down and I needed help.  Quick.I decided I needed to start using the gifts God had given me.  I had read about a amazing woman that had dealt with something similar and it gave me hope that there might be life for me after depression.  I went to my Go-To Girls and asked them for their wisdom.  Should I return to the land of Physical Therapy?  Or should I start a couple of support groups for wives?  They confidently told me it was the latter.  I agreed and it wasn't long before I had 31 women in six different groups that I was holding close to my heart.It took some time (as in I'm still looking for the good), and slowly I started to see the good in the breakdown - it brought me closer to God as I depended on Him to get me through the day.  It brought me closer to Jason as he became my greatest source of comfort.  It was born out of this tough season that I chose to write a workbook for wives.  It's beautiful, imperfect, and I love it.  And you know what else this breakdown did for me? - it gave me a new and a deeper appreciation for wives going through this process.  I hear them talk and I hear the trauma.  I hear the crazy feelings.  I felt them long ago.  And I felt them just a year ago.  So fresh.I've read a lot about trauma in the past year.  In fact, I just finished a book that helped me conceptualize triggers and trauma on a new level.  I hope to share more about that sometime soon.As I bring part 2 to a close, I'd like for you to consider - have you experienced significant trauma in your life?  Sure, going through this process is just that - trauma.  But have you experienced trauma during other seasons?  If your answer is "yes", please keep in mind that you might react even stronger to discovery/disclosure if you have been traumatized before.