On Thriving

If you’ve been following along with me on IG this month, you will see that we are talking about what it looks like to THRIVE.  This was partially born out of a recent podcast episode that I listened to - more on that in a bit!

It was also born out of a much larger backstory:  The Summer of 2014.

Side note:  My commitment is to always be vulnerable with you guys here on my website - more so than on IG.  As I sit here and type this, I am asking myself why that is. 

And I have an answer. 

I think it’s because I feel such a strong loyalty to the women that read these articles.  I have been pouring my heart into this little corner of the internet for almost a decade now.  I feel safe here, I feel loved.  You are my girls and I’d giveaway a tooth for you.  And that’s saying a lot because one of my biggest fears is losing my teeth!  (By the way, I understand that giving away a tooth doesn’t even make sense - the saying is give away an arm or a leg, right? - besides, what would you do with my tooth?  I have no idea - but it gets the point across!)  The safety I feel writing here is apparent as I sit here imagining I am talking to each of you.

The words flow much easier here, it’s my safe place.

The Summer of 2014

Without further ado, let me just take you all the way back to the summer of 2014.  It was a bleak summer.  I didn’t have air conditioning in my house, for starters (and now I know the importance of that!).  And in addition - unbeknownst to me, I had been suffering from postpartum depression for at least a year.  I had a six year old, a three year old and a baby that had just turned one.  And I wasn’t handling it well.

I couldn’t sleep, I was incredibly anxious, and by June or July of that summer - I was hanging on by a thread.

I landed in the doctor’s office begging and crying and pleading for help.  And later walked out with not one, not two - but three prescription medications promised to help me sleep, decrease my anxiety and get me on the right track.  This was all new to me - who was I and what had become of the “stable” girl I knew so well before my third son was born?

(To be clear, I put stable in quotes because I don’t know that I would ever say I’ve been stable.  Sensitive, kind-hearted - yes; but stable - not so much!)

Girls - it was one of my darkest summers.  I know each of you reading this GET what that is like - we are no strangers to this sort of pain and hopelessness - except I couldn’t find a big reason that this was happening - just about twelve small reasons that played into my demise.

After the summer of 2014, summer was a season that I dreaded with every being of my body.

Reclaiming Summers

Since then, I have been on a quest to reclaim my summers.  You can read more about that here, here and here.

And I am still on that quest!  Knock on wood (aren’t you glad I didn’t say - knock on my tooth?) - this is the best one yet - I’ll be a pro at this by the time I’m an empty-nester!

So let’s talk about what can help us to thrive and not just survive.  Sure, some of these things are summer specific - but thriving is not just for a season - it’s a life long endeavor that I believe each of us need to put on our reclamation list.  (I love lists, too.  If you are a coaching client of mine, you know this well!)

Summer House Rules

So in late April, early May - I start to circle the wagons and figure out my game plan for summer.  I look for books, podcasts and articles on how to survive (forget about thriving!).  And I discovered this podcast episode which was so simple, yet so enlightening.

It’s all about setting summer house rules and deciding what rules need to be in place so that you aren’t spending all your energy telling the little people over and over again that, for instance, they can’t watch TV right when they get out of bed in the morning.

Game. Changer.

Of course, at the beginning of the summer I started out with maybe 23 house rules (haha!) and now we might stick to 3 or 4 max.  But truly, naming those house rules has made a huge difference.  There is no negotiating, it simply is.  Don’t even think about turning on the TV until after lunch.  Boom.

Comfort

Y’all - I’m going to keep talking about my air conditioning - it’s such a huge success in my reclamation of summer.  I had NO idea how much my body craves comfort.  Chances are, your body does, too.

What can you do today to feel more comfortable in your own skin?  It could be air-conditioning but I suspect most of you reading this are WAY smarter than me and have had a/c for-eva.

Another thing that really helps me feel comfort is crawling into bed, getting my legs under the covers, and reading a good book.  I just finished this one - not sure I would call it good so much as alarming and awakening.

Loose fitting clothing does the trick, too.

And because there is simply more skin showing in the summer - I also have to really pour on the positive self-talk.  I love this post I saw yesterday on IG - I hope it inspires you like it inspired me!

Bottom line:  let’s do what we need to do to get comfortable in the bodies God gave us.  This could mean air-conditioning and this could also mean positive self-talk or anything in between but it does NOT have to mean losing weight.  The end.

Purpose

For those of you that read my {almost} monthly letter - you will know that we have been looking to move to a bit of a bigger house - but especially a larger lot for over a year now. 

I’m pretty much ready to say “peace out” to this housing market and as we have come to this conclusion that we aren’t moving - I have to be honest that it has caused me to feel a bit unmoored in my direction in life.  (It’s funny how something like buying or not buying a house will do this!).

I think we could say I’ve had a bit of an existential crisis - wondering what IS all of this for,  what AM I really doing and SHOULD I keep doing what I am doing?  Someone help!

I’ve been grappling with this big time for a couple of months and as I have slowly unraveled the ball of yarn - I have realized that my purpose is paramount.  (To be clear - our purpose in how we use our time across the board is important - What I am speaking of here is specifically about my work.)

When I am clear on my purpose - I am able to stay focused, I flourish, I am passionate.  I am alive.  That my friends is thriving.

Bringing us full circle - one of the things that really helped me as I healed from the postpartum depression was finding an outlet.  I wanted to create a resource for women going through betrayal and what was birthed out of that painful summer was Rescued.  That book will always be special to me because of what it did for ME as I wrote it.

What About For You?

I would love for you to take some time to consider - what helps you thrive?  And if thriving feels like a distant cousin that ghosted you sometime in the past - share that, too. 

And I hope you will follow along both here and here as we continue to explore what this can look like - not just when life is care bears and rainbows but also when we are in the depths of despair.

Would love to hear your thoughts below, you make this space so much better than I make it by myself, I mean that!

xo - Shelley