on surrender. {and being small}

Hello Lovely Ladies!This blog post comes to you from my bedroom.  Where I've been fighting what I assume to be the flu for four days now.  Joy to the world.I tried to embrace this sickness.  And I wasn't surprised at all to come down with something.  My stress had been mounting over the last couple of weeks over - of all things - taxes.  For the love.But by last night, I was done.  I'd had enough.  I felt so pathetic.  Inadequate.  Powerless.  Achy.  Smelly.  You get the picture.A girlfriend dropped off some soup that is also sick (misery loves company) and she made a comment about how God was teaching her something in this, too.

Stop the brakes.  Oh yeah.  God is in this, too.

It was her comment that started my release.

I realized, I needed to surrender.

I started humming the old hymn, "I surrender all".  And then proceeded to cough and choke.  So I quit the humming.  I'll just sing it in my head...My to-do list?  I surrender.My parenting this weekend?  I surrender.{One of} my mail piles?  I surrender.There is a sweet release in surrendering.  But why is it so hard to get there?  Well - maybe for me - it's because I don't like feeling small.This carried over into a text exchange I was having with one of my go-to girls this morning - did I mention she is sick, too?

What does it look like to embrace being small?

What does it look like to really and truly be okay right where I'm at?  Right where you're at?  Especially when we feel small... trusting that God has a purpose for us every. single. day.It might be that you are sick this weekend like me.  Or it might be something more crushing - like a marriage that is barely holding on.  Or a diagnosis that won't go away.I want so badly to be okay with where God has me.  I want to be Shelley and nobody else.  And if that means being small and inadequate and imperfect, then okay.  But boy, do I ever fight it.There are a lot of us women out there running to the same finish line.  Unfortunately, I see a lot of pushing and shoving - in order to get there first. or better. or more perfect.  Myself included.

Let's just stop.

What would it look like for us to pause?  And cheer someone else on?  To find the least of these and move them along even if it means we finish last?What would it look like if we really thought of others better than ourselves?  Not in a self-pitying sort of way but in a Christ-like honoring sort of way?What if we stepped back and allowed others to go first, be first?It takes a secure woman to do these things which I seriously lack half the time.  But just talking about this perspective helps.  It helps me feel relieved that it's okay where I'm at and it's okay where you're at.  God has a purpose for each of us.  Today.Okay.  Deep breath.  I'm glad we could have this talk.And if your head is spinning, like mine, take two ibuprofen and let's chat in the morning.xo-Shelleyps.  I'd love to hear - what do you feel God asking you to surrender?  Cheesy or serious - would you share?