Sitting in Pain
Hi Girls! Summer is in full-swing here. I love Colorado weather in the summer - cool nights, hot days and stormy afternoons. You never know what you're gonna get. Kinda like life - you never know...
I've been sitting with some ugly feelings in my heart. Some questions that have gone unanswered. I've prayed to God for clarity. For Him to show me which way to go.
Even though these answers I'm looking for and this pain I'm sitting in aren't betrayal related (oh thank the heavens), I get that for many of you reading this - it is.
You are sitting in pain.Waiting on God. Waiting on your husband.For clarity. For answers. For someone or something to take away the pain.If you're like me - i want to DO something about it. For instance, write a nasty email out of my pain. {Probably not my best move.} Not that doing something is always bad. In fact, it's really hard to know - when should we move, when should we take that leap of faith? And when should we be still. And wait. And not react or respond.I came across the book of Habakkuk last week after I was reviewing some verses for my summer Bible study. In particular, I was drawn to Habakkuk 2:1. It says, "I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guard post. There I will wait to see what the LORD says and how He will answer my complaint."I love it!This is a man, a prophet, that was willing to have an honest conversation with God. To share what he was upset over, to ask God the hard questions. Habakkuk was concerned about the injustice he was seeing all around him. He was asking questions like - "How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" (Habakkuk 1:2) and "...why then do you tolerate the treacherous?" Habakkuk 1:13).It was after these questions that he told God he'd wait for his answer. He'd stand at the watchtower and see how God would answer his complaints.The name Habakkuk means "he that embraces". It also means "to wrestle". When I first read this, I felt a bit confused because I feel like embracing and wrestling although similar, are also very different. Both are expressions of vulnerability and being in physical proximity to another. Yes, they are similar. But embrace has a connotation of love and connection while wrestling has a connotation of struggle and pain.
What reading Habakkuk is teaching me is that it's when we grapple and wrestle with our situations - it's through this that we have the potential to move closer to God. To connect with Him {and others} in the midst of our pain.
The potential. Because we will go one of two ways - we will move closer to God or move further from Him.And it's SO hard for me to move closer. To sit with the pain and not react. To fully believe that God is okay with me when I have these questions and complaints. To wait on Him to speak to me.
Whether this is through His word, through that still small voice I wish I was better at hearing, or through the people I'm connected with here on this earth.Thank you God for hearing our complaints. Thank you that it's okay to grapple with the situations we've been handed here on this earth. Hear our cries and refine us through the painful parts of this journey. May we each be stronger, braver and closer to you and each other as we work through our pain. Amen.As always, I'd love to hear from you. Do you feel you can freely ask God your questions? Do you find it as hard as I do to sit in pain? xo-Shelley