We open our hands wide, and allow our hearts, our souls, our bodies to feel the pain. We assure ourselves that relief will come in the morning. And until then, we wait it out.

This week has been more of the same - sitting down on the couch, connecting, sharing our hearts. And it's been good. Deep, sacred, fully knowing one another.

The bottle has tipped and the pain can finally pour out, making way for joy and peace to be poured back in. I begin to feel a freedom I hadn't felt my whole life.

For those of us {most of us} that didn't have this luxury, oh boy, does it ever feel as awkward as a middle school dance.

Pornography addictions can be especially tricky because oftentimes the people around us (our husbands, friends and culture at large) are screaming that it’s really OK.

Because coming up for a breath of air ever so often is a really good thing. In fact, I think it's really good self-care to take such breaks.

So not only can writing about our anger, our feelings, our emotions help us gain empathy for ourselves, it also can help boost our immune systems. Love.

I just can't believe that we are coming up on 13 years into this process and there is still work to do. Not the ugly slow work of the first three or so years but work none-the-less.

Needless to say, this ever-so-important part of our relationship hasn’t been easy. Early on in our recovery, the safest way for me to engage sexually was in the dark. But, thankfully, it has evolved over time.

Our most important relationship here on earth, the one we have with our husbands, has been destroyed. We are left feeling anything but worthy. But in order to set boundaries, we must draw from our worthiness.

What reading Habakkuk is teaching me is that it's when we grapple and wrestle with our situations - it's through this that we have the potential to move closer to God.

When I think about that event, my most poignant memory is of the tall woman standing in the back of the room with her arms crossed. As she catapulted a question my way, her tone revealed my story had hit close to home.

It seems I've had just enough time to tackle the must-do's on my to-do's and I'm not building in any margin for the things on my list that feed my soul.

I'm sure it would be lovely about now to insert a Bible verse given I'm a Christian and all - but the first thing that came to mind was Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger".

short video response to a blog post I wrote recently

When he told me his half-truth that night some 12 years ago while we were lying in bed, I realized my heart had been talking truth to me all along.

My dream slowly started to crumble when I realized that Jason hadn't chosen just me.

This is difficult because after being hurt beyond belief, my reaction was to draw the bridge and put alligators in the mote.

I identify that the one experience, more than any other, that started to refine this character trait, was coming to terms with the fact that Jason was unfaithful to me.

There is so much heart change that MUST come with this integrity change. And unfortunately, a lot of men get sober. And then they stop. The heart change never comes.