When we name our pain, we are restoring honor and dignity.

This is my hope for all of us - that we would remain faithful and continue to put our hope and our trust in Him.  God will show us the way.

While I believe getting to a place of acceptance can take years and buckets of tears and grappling with questions that don't necessarily have any answers - I believe that surrender - yes, surrendering whatever load it is that you are carrying TODAY - can be a short term respite for your weary soul.

If I was going to get comfortable in this season of wading through some tough parenting and some tough fighting with Jason - I needed a word (or several) for it.

Oh God - how much we all want that for our stories - for it NOT to be for harm but instead be for good. And for not just one life to be saved because of our pain but for many lives to be saved. Yes - that's what we want!

I used to think I could forgive in order to circumvent the grief process but I know differently today - grieving is a big part OF the forgiveness journey.

And then I released each one of them - pen and paper, just me and God.

And then I realized, the one and only way to move forward through the pain was to lay it all at the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to do a miracle in my heart and release me from the hurt and the pain that Jason caused.

Why do we keep landing here? Asking ourselves - what are we really doing? Why are we limping along like this? Should it really be this difficult? This stressful?

The decision has been made, the "no" is out there. And yet, I don't have total clarity in what God asked me to do because I haven't landed yet. My feet are not on solid ground. I can't look back with that 20/20 hindsight and say - "ah! This is why!"

I just can't believe that we are coming up on 13 years into this process and there is still work to do. Not the ugly slow work of the first three or so years but work none-the-less.

It helps me feel relieved that it's okay where I'm at and it's okay where you're at. God has a purpose for each of us. Today.