Shaking out the blanket

Hi Ladies!I've been yearning to sit here and write to each of you - and it's been a bit cRaZy over here so I haven't been able to.  This morning, I'm putting everything to the side,  I'm sitting in my comfy pants and I have my favorite chartreuse blanket wrapped around my legs.So here we go.What's been keeping me so busy,  you ask?  Well, several things -I've been prepping like crazy for two events coming up.  If you live in the Seattle area, I'd love for you to come to this one day event.  And if you find yourself sinking and in need of a weekend-long intensive, I'd so love for you to come here.  This is six months of healing wrapped up into one weekend and let me just say - you are worth it!As if prepping for these events wasn't enough, Jason had a bit of an emergency a week ago that landed him in the ER.  Ten hours later and one surgery later, I brought him home.  My parents were absolute life savers as they immediately drove seven hours to come help and took the littles back to Texas with them the next day.So it was just me and Jason in this home of ours.  And it was incredibly quiet.  I loved it.

I realized like never before how much I love this man.  How thankful I am that I chose to stay.  How thankful I am that he did the hardest work that any guy could do to save our marriage.  Thankful.

We had some sweet conversations this past week - and realized some things that need to change.  I guess that's what a surgery will do to a family.  Allow us to see things in a different light.  To recognize the importance of family and friendships and love and connection like never before.Why do we keep landing here?  Asking ourselves - what are we really doing?  Why are we limping along like this?  Should it really be this difficult?  This stressful?The answer - maybe, maybe not.  Certainly raising little boys makes life a bit more intense.  Trying to keep our marriage a priority makes things, well, messy.  At the same time, we are asking ourselves, where can we simplify?  What can we say "no" to?

(And before you start to think that I do it all, please know that I don't.  And if I'm brutally honest, the truth is - these speaking events I've been prepping for?  Well, I've sacrificed other really good things like time with Jason, time with my littles, time with friends to make them work.  And I don't know that that's even right.  Sigh.)

Reminiscent of the breakdown I had almost three years ago - where we had to completely shake out the blanket and re-prioritize almost everything.Anyone feel like they are here?  Like they are just barely making it through their day?  So much on their calendar and on their to-do list that life really is all about that and not about celebrating, loving, connecting and enjoying?  Well, if you are feeling me here - know you aren't alone.I was talking to a friend yesterday and she was saying that by the end of the week, they are ripping off pieces of a paper towel to use as toilet paper in their house because they're all out of the TP.  She asked - what are we doing??  All I could do was nod and say, I get it.  Completely.So maybe, like me, it's time for an overhaul.  It's time to set all commitments and priorities out on the table and look at them one by one and decide - does this stay?  Or does this go?  Shaking out the blanket.This is always scary for me, is it for you?  I'm sitting here as I type and asking myself - why is this so scary?  Why not exciting?There is relief, that's for sure.  Anytime I get to the end of myself and realize, there must be a better way - there is relief.  But I don't like change.  I don't like facing the reality that I can't do it all.  It taps into my incompetence like none other.  So maybe that's why.

I'm reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9 when Jesus says - "My grace is sufficient for you.  For my power is made perfect in weakness."

Okay, God.  Maybe this is an alright place to be.  To know I can't do it all, to know I have limits.  To know that when I am weak - that is when You are strong.Would love to hear from you - are you feeling like you're barely making it through the day?  And if so, what could you say "no" to?  Likewise, if you are reading this and thinking - I was there but I've made some changes, thank goodness I'm not there anymore - then please tell us, what did you do different?love you gals - Shelleyps.  I promise, I will come back to worthiness soon.  I hope you are still keeping track of the lies in your head like I am.  My list is growing.  Holy cow, can't believe how I shame myself.  xoxo