In the end, I know that keeping things hidden in the dark feed the shame. So it's something I've tried to be transparent about slowly but surely over the last year.

I believe that it's so important for every woman faced with the reality that her husband has betrayed her - whether it's pornography, affairs, lust or anything in between - have the support she needs and know that she is not alone.

I believed it was my fault and decided I needed to be sexier to win Jason back. Bad move on my part. It didn't work.

Most of the time, especially early on in the process - she will relate to me that her husband is defensive. It's a go-to, natural, human reaction. And it's so not okay.

I was afraid to be vulnerable. Afraid to disagree. Afraid of what Jason might think of me.

"Addicts need to remember that in the long run, it's the behaviors not the disclosure that led to the negative consequences."

We don't have to forgive perfectly, grieve perfectly, or go through this process perfectly.

For myself, the first step to taking back my intuition was demanding to know the truth about my life.

And in that, I've opened up my heart to owning what I need to own.

Being able to name my shame and its roots wrapped up in this false belief that I have to be perfect...well, there is freedom in that.

In re-reading this book, I was also reminded that boundaries are healthy for all of us to have. Boundaries aren't just important in the after-math of sexual betrayal.

As my children, each day, get a little older, I realize that as their mom, I play a primary role in protecting them from pornography.

I wish I could say that I knew exactly what it looked like to be grounded before Jason and I started this process some eleven and a half years ago, but I didn't.

God heard my cry. So he gave me an opportunity to practice once again no less than forty-eight hours later.

So here I am. Naming insecurity. Sitting in awareness. Working towards accepting all the different facets of me and overtime desiring to love all the different facets of me.

I wouldn't even trust God. If he had allowed this to happen to me, who knows what else he might allow. All I needed was me.

Little did I know that this was the beginning of an invisible me. There was a high cost that I would pay for standing in the shadows.

I know it takes a lot of courage to reach out and ask for help...getting support is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Whether it be a situation from childhood or from disclosure or anything in between, remember that a trigger is connected to our past.

I tried not to excuse my behavior (I guess I haven't mastered that part of Robin's amazing apology recipe) but still did when I blurted out that I was in a bad mood.