On the art of apologies

I'll confess, I've struggled to know how to apologize to friends, strangers, even Jason.  For starters, it's just felt really difficult.  To admit that I'm wrong or that I'm not perfect.  In addition, I have found in the last couple of years that I feel really ashamed when I choose to apologize.  This was most poignant one evening when I was apologizing to one of my Go-To Gals from my little support group.  Although my apology started with me sitting on the couch, I found myself a few minutes later on the floor.  My body assumed the position I was feeling:  ashamed, small, inadequate.  That was the beginning of a turning point for me.  Realizing that I felt so ashamed every time I apologized.Fast forward to a couple of months ago.  I called a dear friend of mine because I felt hurt and confused.  She quickly and swiftly apologized to me.  Little did I know, but God used my friend to teach me the art of apologizing:

• I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was truly sorry.
• She didn't make excuses.
• She owned it.
• And she wasn't ashamed.

This was huge for me to witness and little did I know at the time, but God would provide ample opportunities for me to practice in the days and weeks ahead.  I keep thinking of  Robin's example and try to emulate what she taught me.            Which leads us to today.  I was feeling grumpy.  I needed to go return some phones at a local Sprint store.  What we thought was a great way to save some cash each month turned out to be a poor connection and dropped calls here at the house.  So our plan to save money ended up costing us money to cancel the contract and have Sprint restock the phones.I went with two of my three littles to the store.  And an hour later, I swiftly walked out of the store without the "to-do" checked off my list.  I was angry.  They needed Jason's credit card to complete the return.  And I didn't have it.  My littles were wreaking havoc in the store.  And this momma's nerves were fried.  With haste I put my boys in their seats and slammed the door shut (just for in case they were wondering if momma was mad, right?!)And then I realized:  I'd have to go back to the store.  I'd have to see Johnny again.  The guy that was nothing but respectful and professional while he tried to help me.  Not only would I have to walk back in, but I also realized I needed to apologize.An hour later, I took a deep breath and walked back in.  Johnny was helping someone else so I started the return process with another sales associate.  Once Johnny was done helping the other patron, I got his attention and proceeded to tell him I owed him an apology.  I told him I was sorry for how I acted.   I told him he had been nothing but professional and respectful and I was so sorry.  I also made some lame excuse that I was in a bad mood (I guess I'm still working on mastering Robin's apology recipe!).At that point, I had three men staring at me (Johnny and his two co-workers that were trying to process the return).  My kids might have been taking the phone cases off of the carousel in the middle of the store that was holding them.  But I did it.  Johnny said he'd seen worse and it didn't really even ping his radar.  (If only you knew, Johnny, if only you knew.)Once back at the car, I took each of my boys individually and held them close.  I told them how sorry I was.  That momma had made a mistake when she became so upset.  I tenderly asked for their forgiveness.I then called Jason, whom was privy to the apologies I had in front of me before I stepped into the Sprint door for the second time.  We talked about how hard it is to try to live right.  As we were talking, I realized, though, that it was harder when I chose not to apologize.  Or when I apologized but felt so ashamed.  Apologizing when I'm wrong, owning it, and remembering to give myself heaps of grace - that's actually not as difficult.  There is a sweet freedom in choosing to live life this way. What about you, does apologizing come easy for you?  Or like me, has it been a thorn in your side?  What has helped you move towards apologizing to others from your heart and experiencing freedom in doing so?