Someone wise proceeded to tell me - just because I'm questioning God and in a season of distrust with Him doesn't disqualify me from helping others! So to even think I needed to fake my relationship with God - no way.

So I'm closing with this - I'm begging you to show up by being you. If you are down, say it. If you feel hopeless - express it. If you feel angry - get it out. Let

The LAST thing on this earth that I wanted to do in the thick of my healing journey was to be vulnerable with Jason. Who wants to get hurt and then set themselves up to potentially get hurt again?!

And it's true - when we lay down our life for someone - we are humble, we hear them, and we do the right thing, even when it hurts.

So I told Jason - I missed it. I get it. And I'm willing to do what it takes to get the help we need, even if it comes at a cost like missing my favorite exercise class (ouch) or selling my car and stuffing the boys in the bike trailer and biking wherever we go (kidding, kinda).

I am begging you, ladies, to not give up. Please, take the next step on your journey no. matter. what. This fight is worth fighting. And it's strangling far too many women and far too many marriages. We must, together, fight.

Jason has always said that him seeing my pain and experiencing it first hand in the days, weeks, months and years (yes, I said years) after betrayal has been a key motivator to not go back to his old ways.

The type of sex we were engaging in wasn’t the love Jesus intended for us. Sex, for us, was a physical act of confusion. We’ve sought to take out the confusion and put sex in its rightful place.

If you have no idea what you are looking at, let me tell you - you are looking at my 4 week NEW laptop in a Pyrex dish of rice. (Don't mind me, I'm just going to rock back and forth in the fetal position a little while longer.)

Honestly, I consider this to be essential when it comes to self-care which is something I harp on a LOT in my groups.

In my opinion, this is the most acute, most insidious, most tragic damage done by sexual betrayal.

If you are interested in joining me on this journey of becoming a woman living life from a place of worthiness, I encourage you to do a couple of things...

So why, then, has it been so hard for me to live my life out of a place of worthiness? To live from a place of deep security and wholeness?

Sadly, those cards don't exist. Note to self: you should seriously write down all the sentiments you feel and start making your own cards for women with a similar story. I bet they'd be popular.

And little did I know, those first few years after betrayal served as training ground to develop coping strategies that I could continue to use as the years ticked by.

This is an ever evolving practice at our home and we feel like we are almost constantly fighting for it. It never comes easy.

Little did I know that holding myself to a perfect standard, also meant I expected everyone around me to be held to those same expectations.

Remember, nothing will be impossible with God.

...and without the support from other wives I would have had neither strength nor courage enough to take that risk.

So I knew I was in for the wait. And in that wait, I knew I had choices to make.