On What I'm Learning About Worthiness - Part 3

Alright ladies, I wanted to loop back to a topic I've mentioned several times here recently on the blog, that is oh-so-close to my heart - Worthiness.  If you need a quick refresher, you can read this blog post as well as this one and you'll be ready to go.Before we dig in to part three of worthiness - I want to make sure each of you knows about the Restore workshop in Orange County, CA in just over three weeks.  This is a workshop specifically designed for women desiring healing after betrayal.  There is an incredible team of women there that have walked this journey and are ready to support you as you take your next step toward healing.  Speaking of worthiness - you are worthy of whatever it might take to get to this workshop.  There is so much healing, hope and encouragement awaiting those that attend!Okay, so here we go:  I shared in the last worthiness post about one of the lies that I repeat to myself over and over again. The lie is – “I’m a pig”. I shared about where this lie came from – really the situations in my past that gave this lie a place to reside in my soul.Remember, these situations are born out of sin. Not just others sins but my sins as well.When we begin to believe these lies, we also begin to isolate ourselves and self-protect. Because let’s get honest – do we really want others to hear what we really think about ourselves? Absolutely not. The lies represent deep hurts and fears. They represent our shame.So we start to hold onto them and protect them. We start to change how we present ourselves to the world in order to make sure they stay our little secrets. We’ll call these changes we make the masks we wear.This, my friends, is quite the opposite of living a vulnerable and authentic life.Do you see how crafty Satan is? Scary, huh.As I’ve stated many-a-times here – the antithesis to shame is intimacy. Remember, intimacy means fully knowing another and being fully known.  Intimacy is how we discard the masks and get real about ourselves, our lives, and who we really are on the inside.I want to make sure we are all on the same page - the lies we hear in our heads lead to shame, isolation and insecurity. With that being said, the best way we can work through them is via intimacy and connection with God, self and others.

So guess what it’s time to do – it’s time to drag those lies into the light and share them with others. You can do that here (as I did in the last blog post) but I also want you to do it with a trusted friend that knows you well.  Put on your brave pants ladies!  You can do this!

Jason is working on a book and as I was proofing it last week, I was shaken by something he shares.  He mentions faulty core beliefs which are the same as the lies I talk about in this post.  Here is what Jason says:

The point here is that these faulty core beliefs will be resident as adults, and thus incorporated into a marriage. As you can imagine, sexual betrayal then does a number on these beliefs, further engraining them into our consciousness. In my opinion, this is the most acute, most insidious, most tragic damage done by sexual betrayal. As husbands we are called to create a space where our wives’ deepest hurts and the most scarring wounds on their souls can be healed, covered, smoothed, and renewed....Instead, betrayal accomplishes nearly the exact opposite.

I believe this is a really poignant reminder as to why we must work through these lies.  Unfortunately, betrayal does do the exact opposite of what God intends to occur in marriage.  Instead of the marriage being that safe place to work toward sanctification; when betrayal strikes, it becomes the unsafe place where the lies satan wants us to believe become cemented in.So here is your homework:  What I'd love for you to continue to do with me is to work on these lies.  Share them here.  Confess them to God and to someone you trust.Also, don't forget to look backward from the lie and identify what experiences caused you to believe what you believe (think the origin of the lie or the wound).  In addition, see if you can identify how you've changed who you are (think:  the mask you wear) in order to make sure people don't start to pick up on the lies you believe about yourself. (And if you are super nerdy like me, you can come up with a table where you keep track of all these things - the wound, the lie and the mask.)One of my groups has gotten quite good at naming these masks - here are a couple to choose from:  perfect christian mask, all together mom mask, the tidied house mask.We talk ALL about this at the Restore workshop as we walk toward tapping into our God-given worthiness.  I'd love for you to join me there if you want to learn more.Once you have exposed your lies, the final step is to change them into empowering beliefs.  I'm going to loop back to this in part four of the worthiness series and share with you exactly how to do this.xo-Shelley