I don’t even think I realized how uncomfortable I was in my own home. By evening, I could feel sweat rolling down my back; then at night, I would lie in bed with no covers over me, waiting for the heat to pass. It just became the norm, the expected. Could there be a better way? I refused, stubbornly, to see air-conditioning as an option.

The first is to develop techniques and skills that will help us navigate the actual trigger. Think of these as your breaking-point strategies when you actually get triggered. The second is to develop habits and skills that will help your brain calm down and not be in a traumatized, heightened state. Think of these as your maintenance strategies. I explain this further below.

Today I am not where I used to be, praise God. I am not trying to fix it, I am not denying it. I have moved through it and am living in a place of so much joy, peace and wholeness.

I think it’s important that we name the impact that trauma has had on our lives. And how it impacts our behaviors. Naming the pain helps validate what we are experiencing. And it also gives us a loose roadmap for seeing if we are moving in the right direction or not as we look for - are these symptoms improving? Or no?

Since reframing trauma in this way, I have also been able to reframe the implications of trauma. It doesn’t mean that there is no hope. And it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is the abuser.

It isn't necessarily about doing something to take the pain away. But rather sitting in our individual circumstances. Taking a deep breath. Loving ourselves well. Doing what we can to help ourselves. And waiting on God. A tricky balance for sure.

So it seems this depression, this breakdown, well - it brought me to my knees. And I recognized yet again how fragile my mind is, and yours, too. Call it spiritual warfare. Call it whatever you may. A breakdown is no joke.

In the end, I know that keeping things hidden in the dark feed the shame. So it's something I've tried to be transparent about slowly but surely over the last year.