It was through the wait that God started a good work in me, cultivating character and strength, hope and love; and born out of the suffering - immense joy.

I would love for you to join me for a weekend of laughing, crying and digging deep. No doubt you will leave feeling restored and with a plan for wholeness and healing.

And - what I believe to be helpful - whether you love new years or whether you are dreading the year to come - is to give the year prior some proper closure.

More than anything - I want each of you to know that you are not alone and there are women across the world in similar situations to yours. Trying to figure out how to celebrate Christmas with grace and ease.

For women walking through betrayal - this is especially hard because betrayal is pretty much just like a mid-life crisis and what we thought we liked or were passionate about - all of a sudden goes out the window.

While I believe getting to a place of acceptance can take years and buckets of tears and grappling with questions that don't necessarily have any answers - I believe that surrender - yes, surrendering whatever load it is that you are carrying TODAY - can be a short term respite for your weary soul.

It was last Sunday at church that I thought these 5 words - "I'm a better person when..." I found myself actually looking for people I knew to say "hi" to in the hallways after church versus my usual - keeping my head down, collecting my kids and flying out the door.

I've thought of all the times when I choose hiding over showing up. When I lurk into the shadows instead of bravely walking into the light and saying - here I am - pain, hurt, ugliness and all.

If I was going to get comfortable in this season of wading through some tough parenting and some tough fighting with Jason - I needed a word (or several) for it.

Oh God - how much we all want that for our stories - for it NOT to be for harm but instead be for good. And for not just one life to be saved because of our pain but for many lives to be saved. Yes - that's what we want!

We just kept right on running right beside it as we groaned, punched the air with our fists, and started laughing.

It wasn't until the pain of change became easier to bear than the pain of staying the same that we got sick and tired of being sick and tired and said enough is enough and sought help.

Because when my marriage started to blow - I was convinced I was ruined. My heart would never repair. My soul was damaged for good. Heaven come quick.

Someone wise proceeded to tell me - just because I'm questioning God and in a season of distrust with Him doesn't disqualify me from helping others! So to even think I needed to fake my relationship with God - no way.

So I'm closing with this - I'm begging you to show up by being you. If you are down, say it. If you feel hopeless - express it. If you feel angry - get it out. Let

The LAST thing on this earth that I wanted to do in the thick of my healing journey was to be vulnerable with Jason. Who wants to get hurt and then set themselves up to potentially get hurt again?!

And it's true - when we lay down our life for someone - we are humble, we hear them, and we do the right thing, even when it hurts.

So I told Jason - I missed it. I get it. And I'm willing to do what it takes to get the help we need, even if it comes at a cost like missing my favorite exercise class (ouch) or selling my car and stuffing the boys in the bike trailer and biking wherever we go (kidding, kinda).