When Will This Process Ever Be Over?

I think when I started down this long road eleven plus years ago, I seriously thought that after I forgave Jason, our process would be over.  We would ride off on horses towards the sunset.  We'd be done.  This would be behind us.  And all life had to offer would be ahead. (Hear:  chariots of fire or another whimsical and inspiring piece of music.)I hate to be a Debbie-Downer, but that didn't happen. (Hear:  music coming to a screeching halt.)  I remember very clearly, within one or two days time, I felt the pangs of bitterness and resentment creep back into my heart and I saw that my forgiveness process with Jason wasn't a one-and-done.  No, not at all.  It would be a limitless process.  Just as Jesus indicated when he told Peter "...not seven times but seventy-times seven." (Matthew 18-22).  I'm kinda going off on a rabbit trail now but just so you know, from my "exhaustive" (haha) research on this verse, seven was thought of as the perfect number.  Maybe that's why Peter proposed forgiving a total of seven times.  Makes sense that he thought that equated to perfect forgiveness.  And yet Jesus, in his amazing ways, responded with seventy-times seven.  And guess what "seventy-times" impllies:  limitless!  Hello people.  This is huge.  If only I had known this on September the 3rd 2004 when I wrote out my forgiveness letter to Jason.Alright, enough of the rabbit-trail, let's get back to my point.  Ahem.  So here is the deal:  I'm getting the idea lately that a lot of husbands out there think that their wives "should" move on at some point.  That this should or will be behind them.  They won't have to discuss it again.  They won't have to think about it ever again.  Life will return to normal and they won't have to be accountable for their time, their money, their integrity, their freedoms.  Blah. Blah. Blah.So for those of you out there that thought this would be the case, sit down.  I need to tell you something really important.  Are you ready?  Take a deep breath.  This will forever change your life.  Now that I've said that, I really do want to be serious with you:  This process never ever ever goes away.  As one of the wise gals in my phone group said this morning:  "it's a journey" Get used to it.  Buckle up.  You're going on a ride.  The journey never ends.  At least while we are here on this earth. (Just so you know, my wise wife said "it's a journey."  I said the rest.  Tam is way too sweet to tell anyone to get used to it.Case in point, Jason and I went on the most amazing date on Saturday evening.  A surprise date to a restaurant in downtown Denver and the ballet afterwards.  The food was lovely.  And the wait staff would even come rearrange our napkin when we separately left the table to go to the powder room.  Yes, it was that kind of place.  (Not that Jason or I both spilled food on our clothing and had to rush back to the powder room to try to clean up.  Totally didn't happen.  We are polished, elegant people.  We never spill food or drink like our children do.)It was in between powder room breaks that I realized how vulnerable I felt sitting next to Jason at this lovely restaurant.  I pieced together that part of the reason I was resistant to go on nice dates through the years was because of this vulnerability.  I didn't like it.  I wanted to build a mote, put some crocodiles in it, and stay inside nice and protected.  So we talked about it.  And I couldn't believe that eleven years in, we are still working through this.  We are still on the journey!  Yes, it looks completely different than it did in the early years, but I'm so thankful that we can still talk about it, process it, and recognize that we continue to heal.All that to say, to you husbands (and wives) out there that ask this question:  When will this process ever be over?"  I'd like for you to know:  never.  And one of the greatest gifts you can give your wife is to make peace with that and work at becoming a safe person for her to continue to process with for the rest of your years. (Hear:  inspiring music once again.)  The end.Ladies, I'd encourage you to pass this one on to your husband for him to read.  And as always, I'd love to hear your (or your husband's) thoughts.

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