what's breaking my heart today...

I feel really fortunate to come alongside women with a similar story to mine and give them a safe place for them to process their pain and take the next step on their journey.  It's certainly not easy - I still {and always will} deal with triggers, I still {and always will} carry their stories with me.  Speaking of stories - these women's stories - they are precious.  Each one of them is a fighter with a heart of gold and enough courage to blow your mind.  Their lives have been far from easy.  And if they were easy, they aren't anymore.  Many of them have sat in silence for months and even years while their husbands have been unfaithful to them.  These women - they feel tossed aside.  Many of these women have been told to spice up their sex lives, have a hearty meal on the table, try not to fuss or nag.  This will fix it, they were told, but it didn't work.  It won't work.

So they reach out for help.  Slowly but surely.  They wave the white flag.

And here is the thing - these women want nothing more than for their marriage to not only survive but to also thrive.  They are willing to put in the hard work, to do whatever it takes to heal.  They understand that they'll have scars and they have all the hope in the world that they will use their pain for good in this life.What they are asking for from their husbands isn't too much to ask:  They want honesty.  They want respect.  They want the dignity to know the full truth.  They want integrity.  They want faithfulness.  They want empathy.  They want emotional intimacy.  They want conversation and connection.  They want to see that their husbands are sorry not just in their words but also in their actions.  They want humility.  They want Godly leadership.  They want to see their husbands be all they know their husbands can be.I see these women give their husbands 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances to do this recovery the right way.  I see these women bend over backwards trying to make sure that their husbands have every possible chance to redeem themselves.  To allow God to start to change them.  They hand their husbands over to God and trust Him with the one they love the most on this planet.Now I understand that I'm a little one-sided since I work with women and not their husbands.  What I'm having trouble understanding is why, as a husband, you'd prefer to continue to hurt your wife.  Why you'd choose to blame her, criticize her, and defend yourself.  When all the while - you, mister {don't make me say buster}, you are the one that can be redeemed.  You are the one that can live a better life.  You are the one that can move past your shame and guilt and live life full and change your legacy for generations to come.  I've seen it happen.  It IS possible.Because here is the thing.

When you, as a husband, start to chase after God.  When you let go of your selfish ways and run with a reckless abandon toward who He is calling you to be - chances are, your wife will follow.

She knew this person was in you.  She saw it from the moment she met you.  She won't want that man to pass her by.

And a beautiful thing begins to happen.  She will start to chase after that same God as well like never before.  She will start to pursue what He has put on her heart.

She has the freedom to do this because you have led.  She isn't expending all her energy dealing with you anymore!So it starts with you, mister husband {aka buster}.  And this is exactly what's breaking my heart.  Because not only have you wrecked your wife's heart - but you also are the one to ultimately decide - will your marriage thrive?  Or will your marriage be a casualty.  Because even if it stays intact and you do nothing to move toward sanctification - the marriage is dead.  It's a casualty.I hear Jason in my head because he always says - very rarely will a wife leave her husband because of what he's done.  No, most often, a wife chooses divorce when her husband either 1)  chooses not to tell the truth or 2)  won't allow God to change Him from the inside out.  Not just from a sexual integrity stand point but from a character stand point as well.Because let's face it.  You, mister husband, you are NOT the best CEO of your life.  If you were - you wouldn't be reading this blog post, now would you.  If you were, your wife wouldn't be reading this blog post either, now would she?So what's it going to take for you to let go?  To acknowledge that you need help?  That you are destroying your life as well as your family's?

Know that there is hope for you.  I'm married to a man that has changed.  I know other couples that are living a life of grace, peace, honesty, and love.  It IS possible.  So go.  Do it now.  Whatever it takes.  Godspeed to you.