On Sharing With Family and Friends

This is a hard one.  How do we invite others into our process all the while protecting ourselves and not damaging our husband's reputation?  It's a question I'm often asked.  And unfortunately, the answer isn't simple, nor is it a one-size-fits-all.When Jason finally chose to confess his ugly truth to me over 11 years ago, we were driving from Dallas to Amarillo, TX.  We had arranged weeks prior to visit my parents over Memorial Day weekend.  And then my life started to crumble around me.On our way to Amarillo, we notified my parents that we wouldn't be staying with them that evening.  Instead, we met with the pastor that married us and he graciously put us up in a hotel.  We reconvened our time with our pastor the next day and he helped us decide what exactly to share with our parents, as I'm sure they were becoming concerned as to why we had stayed in a hotel the night prior and why we hadn't shown up that next day.The sun had started to set over the High-Plains of West Texas before we walked into my parents home.  We sat down and Jason started the conversation.  He kept it simple and straight-forward.  He told my parents (and my younger brother) that he had been unfaithful to me.  He told them that we were going to try to work through it.  And he told them how sorry he was.Talk about one of the most difficult and awkward conversations of my entire life.  My mom was recovering from a rotator-cuff surgery and fidgeting in her sling, she walked over to Jason and told him it was okay.  I still remember her patting his shoulder as he sat crying in the chair.  My dad on the other hand turned stone cold.  He was not happy.  He told Jason that hurting his daughter was one of the worst offenses he (my dad) could think of.  It pains me to think of that night even to this day.A couple of days later, we drove that seven hour car ride home with a plan.  We agreed that we would tell friends and our immediate family.  Jason called his parents at some point.  I wasn't privy to their conversation.  We started to share our ugly truth with select friends.  We were clear with them that we were looking for people to support us as we tried to recover and heal.  Some of these conversations went well.  And some were met with questions and concerns.  It was incredibly painful for me.Friends that chose to stand by us - we allowed them in.  They poured into us and we took from them.  Friends that weren't able to handle our ugly truth - we distanced ourselves from.And here are some of the things we learned:1)  We learned that we weren't alone in this new world (for me) of sexual betrayal.  Getting honest opens the floodgates for others to get honest.  We all have a story.2)  We learned that our poor choices effected those we love.  They had to work through forgiving Jason and he had to work at rebuilding trust.  It was painful to see the devastating ripple effect of my husband's poor choices.3)  We learned that most of our friends were ready to love us in our pain.  I had a preconceived notion that they couldn't handle the truth, but boy was I wrong.4)  We learned that some of our friends couldn't handle the truth.  It hurt.  But on this side of it all, I understand better how it may not have been as personal as I allowed it to be back then.  Because today I know that my truth can stir up past-pain in other peoples lives.  That doesn't have to be all about me, that's about them.5)  We learned that we didn't want our pain to be in vain.  As the hours turned into days and the days turned into weeks, I prayed:  "Please God, can I help just one person?  Then this won't be for not.  Then my pain is somehow worth it."6)  I learned that the more I shared my pain, the more I was able to live in reality and not in denial.  And the more I shared my story, the more connections I was able to make about my past and the why's behind my actions.7)  I learned that I had major issues with being vulnerable in my relationships.  Sharing with family and friends was the beginning of me learning to be more transparent in every area of my life.I'll be back later with some tips and considerations for each of you as you consider sharing what you are dealing with to those you love.  For now, I'd like to know:  who have you chosen to share with?  And was it worth it?Photo Credit (top)Photo Credit (bottom)