On what's helping me survive (oh summer, you've been a bad friend) - Part 1
Hi Girls! I've missed y'all! I've been wanting to write, write, write but end of school year events took precedence over typing away on my laptop. More later as to why NOT doing things that make me feel fully alive is a bad idea.This week marks the first week of summer break around here. It's something I've been gearing up for, for quite a while. I've decided transitions might not just be hard for my five year old - they're hard for me, too!
You see, two short years ago, summer got the best of me. I was going, going, going and then I crashed and burned. It led to what Brene Brown calls a spiritual awakening. (Also known as a break down.) It's something I've shared a lot about here because I know I'm not alone.Although my breakdown didn't have to do with Jason's infidelity some 12 years ago, it did have many similarities to what I dealt with back then. In addition, I know that what I dealt with 12 years ago predisposed me to being more sensitive to hard times in the future.
It also gave me a very fresh perspective on what many of you have dealt with in recent months and years as your husband's secrets have come to light. For that, I'm thankful. Because I've been there. I've been to the end of myself. Not once in this life, but twice.
So just to be clear, I've been a little a lot anxious about this summer. I'm currently reading The Body Keeps the Score and in it, Van der Kolk asks - "How do horrific experiences cause people to become hopelessly stuck in the past?" After I read this - I thought yep, that's partly why I've been so anxious. I remember two summers ago and I never want to go back there again.I don't know the answer to Van der Kolk's question (and if he answers it in the book, I will share the knowledge with you here) but I do believe that we can work through hard experiences and be oh-so-much better on the other side. I'm sure it would be lovely about now to insert a Bible verse given I'm a Christian and all - but the first thing that came to mind was Kelly Clarkson's "Stronger". Because what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.So I've entered into this week with a bit of trepidation. Do I have what it takes to be a good mom to three little boys? What about me - will I get any personal time? Will my boys have fun this summer even though I want to teach them responsibility and respect?The questions go on and on...Enough to overwhelm this girl.So in the spirit of making sure this post isn't forever long, I'll be back tomorrow with the things that made my short list for what's helping me survive right now. In the meantime, be thinking about what's helping YOU survive. I want to hear!xo-Shelley