Expressing Anger - Part 1

I’ve been working through anger with the gals in my group.  Anger can be such a difficult part of the process.  I know for myself, I never learned to process anger in a healthy way.  I viewed it as something that was unhealthy.  And even ten plus years ago when Jason and I were in our first year of recovery, I didn’t handle the anger well.  Facilitating support groups has given me the opportunity to continue to work through anger.   And try to process it in a healthy way.  Speaking of process, working through anger is definitely a process.  Just like forgiveness.  Just like trust.  These things don’t happen overnight.Keep in mind that by working through the anger, we are better able to identify what the feelings and emotions are underneath the anger.  I call these the “big five”.  They are hurt, fear, failure, shame and disappointment.  Oftentimes, as I’m processing my anger, one of these emotions comes to the surface.  Identifying this emotion helps me to not get stuck in the anger, and to continue to move forward in the process.Biblically speaking, we are commanded to get angry:  “Laying aside falsehood, speak the truth each of you with his neighbor, for we are all members of one another.  Be angry and yet do not sin.”  (Ephesians 4:25-27 NASB)It’s a God-given emotion.  And I love what Psalm 4:4 says:  “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.  Think about it overnight and remain silent.  Offer sacrifices in the right spirit, and trust the Lord. “ (NLT) For myself, there are times when I am able to think about it.  Remain silent.  And trust God. (Psalm 4:4)  And there are also times when I need to get the anger out, in a healthy way, Now! (Ephesians4:25-27)I have three options to give to you for releasing anger.  I will share the first with you today and the second and third in the next blog post.  Because let’s face it:  who likes a long blog post?Anger LetterThe first option is to write an anger letter to your husband that you never intend to send.  This is simply a way for you to express your anger in a healthy way.  It isn’t intended for the other person to read nor is it a way of expressing any feelings or needs to the other person.  If I were to know that the person I am angry with would read the letter, I would be concerned with what I was saying.  Instead, this letter is all about you.  Not the other person.  And getting out anything and everything you need to as you scribble away on a piece of paper (or type away on your computer). By writing out your words and allowing your stream of conscience to take over, it allows our brains to flush out what we are upset with.  The process can be cathartic.  And often, I’m surprised with what I write.  After writing this letter, there are a couple of options.  I’ve heard of some women burning the letter.  Others will hold onto it and read it out loud and express the anger even further by throwing dishes (we will discuss this in detail in the next post).  Others may want to wad it into a ball and throw it in the wastebasket.I’d love to know what methods you use to release your anger in a healthy way.  Would you share them with me?  xo-Shelley