Confessions on Jealousy

Jason and I were talking on the couch this week.  What used to happen 4-5 nights a week doesn’t happen quite as often since baby Norman arrived.  Slowly but surely, we are getting back to it.  And oh how we love our catch-ups on the couch.  (We intentionally purchased a couch large enough for both of us to lie down, side-by-side and facing each other on.  One of our better home furnishing investments!)Anyways, back to the conversation:  I was sharing with Jason about a recent epiphany that I had.  I hate to disappoint, but I have struggled a fair share with jealousy.  (Yes people, to the point where I have had to confess this to one of my dear friends.)  Jason knows this and I told him I think I realized what has stirred this in me over the last couple of years.What I told him is this:  When I see someone risking (in life) and I know deep down that it’s a risk in some way that I’m supposed to take, that is when the jealousy ensues.  I shared with him several recent examples of happenings or discussions with others that I realized after the fact didn’t “prick” me as they would have in the past.  And after analyzing and over-analyzing, I realize that it’s because I am totally at peace with where my life is today.   The risks others recently shared about were in fact NOT risks I feel called to take.I find this all a bit comical, given that I am in a season of being unplugged and focused on my family.  Even if it isn’t where I thought I would be, I know it is where God wants me.  And that matters more.What I realize is, when I’m feeling jealous, it doesn’t mean I’m broken.  It doesn’t mean I’m a terrible person.  Rather, it’s a warning.  It’s something that should (and does!) get my attention.  And it’s something I need to analyze.  Here is a sampling of questions I try to ask myself when I’m feeling the pangs of jealousy or envy:

• Am I comparing? (Because comparing is pretty much never a good idea.  As Theodore Roosevelt said:  “Comparison is the thief of all joy”).
• Am I at peace with the decisions I’ve made about my life today?  And where my life is headed?  And did God have a say in those decisions?  (if the answers are yes, yes, yes; then rest easy; and if the answer is no, it’s time to be still before God)
• Do I believe that God has a unique plan and purpose for me that is unlike anyone else’s?  (because no one else can be me and no one else can be you!)

What about you?  Is envy or jealousy something that’s reared its ugly head lately in your life?  What strategies have you used to work through these feelings?