#69: In the Dilemma
So, let’s say he is doing mostly good work. Oftentimes when he is doing this mostly good work, women are faced with a dilemma. Does she accept the good work and lean into it and trust it? OR does she hold him / the good work at arm’s length and continue to watch and wait and keep herself safe?
We start with exploring some of the reasons she runs into this dilemma. These include:
1 - Unconscious tug of war happening in her heart.
2 - Vows she has made to herself.
3 - Not knowing if she can trust herself.
4 - The vulnerability of it all.
5 - Invalidation of her pain.
I loved it when Jason said - "The husband that has done the work doesn’t say 'why can’t we just move on' - this comment serves as a red flag that he HASN’T done the work". Bottom line ladies: work toward naming the root of the dilemma and THEN you can ask yourself - what do I want to do about it? (With gentleness, of course!)
Jason then speaks directly to husbands about some to do’s if this is the situation the couple finds themselves in:
1 - Consistency + small deposits matter - Jason says, "consistency of small deposits builds trust in order for her to get out of the dilemma”.
2 - Control the narrative in your head.
3 - I’ve got you and I’ve got us.
Ultimately, my encouragement to women is that this is a part of the process and what’s important is to be able to name it and then figure out what you want to do about it, with gentleness. I loved Jason’s final thought - there is no clock.
We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6!
For the episode mentioned on Equanimity (#12) - click here.
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