Why Being Married to a Husband With a Porn Problem Is Incredibly Painful

Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

There were six of us in the room, our chairs in a circle so that we could see one another fully.  The woman across from me was in so much pain. In fact, she didn’t quite know how much more she could take. She desperately wanted the rest of the group to understand what she was experiencing.

“For me, it’s every woman I see. Every billboard. Every magazine. It’s everywhere. I can’t escape it.”

A photo by Thomas Curryer. unsplash.com/photos/Zss1s9df5AQ

Her husband had a pornography addiction and she was crumbling from the triggers all around her.

What I’ve come to realize as I support and help women affected by all forms of betrayal — lust, porn, emotional and physical affairs — is that the pain from betrayal is no joke, no matter how you slice it.

{Head over here, to the MOPs blog, where this post was initially published, to continue reading.}

And don’t forget to come back here if you’d like to leave a comment.

xo-Shelley

4 thoughts on “Why Being Married to a Husband With a Porn Problem Is Incredibly Painful

  1. Bonnie

    September 22, 2016  |  06:37 pm

    Great read..so full of truthful emotions. We just “celebrated” our 2 yr anniversary from my husband being set free from his porn addiction, and while we both believe the Holy Spirt touched him in a miraculous way, it is still a reality for me. Everywhere we go I am always scanning the area for things I think might be a trigger for him. I pray God will give me peace that passes all understanding at some point, soon .
    Thank you Shelly for always keeping it real.


  2. Lark

    September 23, 2016  |  07:42 pm

    Thank you so much for shining a light on this dark subject. I’m sure you will only see how many marriages have benefited from your courage once we get to heaven. Isn’t it good when we let God use our pain and make it something new?!


  3. Jean

    September 30, 2016  |  07:50 pm

    My husband hid his porn addiction for years. Then a few months after he lost his job he was arrested for having child porn on his computer and is currently in jail. He said it was the first time he had viewed child porn but had viewed adult porn off and on for years. I felt confused, angry and betrayed.


  4. L D

    February 26, 2018  |  09:06 pm

    I am a little bit late to this party. I discovered my husband’s porn use almost 5 months ago now. That would have been a full year after this was posted. That quote from your friend hit my heart so hard. I have heard it in one of your kitchen convos I found on YouTube. I cry everytime! I still cannot go anywhere with him and feel comfortable, not even church. So we attend separately. I can’t watch tv or a movie with him. We tried a “regular” movie (it was pretty benign). There was one scene with a woman in a bikini. I left the room and cried. We tried Christian movies, but if there is an attractive woman, I can’t watch it. I try to explain to him how it hurts me that he chose to get sexual gratification looking at someone else, watching someone else, thinking about someone else, when I was perfectly willing and available. Sometimes I was upstairs sleeping. I have used some of the same words as yours from this post. He means well but tries to explain away my pain by saying it had nothing to do with me, how I looked, or our sex life. I know from everything I have read, that this is what everyone says. But I can’t wrap my head around it. And I certainly can’t wrap my heart around it! I have always had issues with insecurity, but this…… I just feel completely inadequate. It’s just such a sad, lonely place to be.

    Thank you so much for your work and your words of encouragement! I feel a little less alone when I spend time on this site.


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