This is YOUR year – Part 1

Friday, January 11th, 2019

If you know me well – you know how passionate I am about the new year. Maybe it’s because I am so relieved to have made it through the holiday season – or – maybe it’s because I heart fresh starts. I don’t know exactly what it is but I love the possibilities that come with turning my calendar to January and thinking about all I want to experience in the year ahead.

I say all of that and I know full well that for a lot of women walking through the throes of betrayal – the new year doesn’t bring great joy. I’ve been there. All I knew back then is I couldn’t bear another year like the one I had just endured. I just. couldn’t. do it. You’re not alone if that is the space you are in today.

And – what I believe to be helpful – whether you love new years or whether you are dreading the year to come – is to give the year prior some proper closure. Tell it good-bye. Only after doing this can we turn around and really take some time to think about what we want the year we are facing to look like.

I’m not talking new year’s resolutions here.

I know, I know – new years resolutions don’t have the best of reputations. And that’s actually not what I am going to ask you to do – to create resolutions. A resolution to me seems like an unachievable battle of the will that isn’t really worth sticking to by February 1.

For instance – a resolution might be choosing not to eat sugar for the entire month of January. I actually love sugar. I love it a lot. If I resolved to not eat any sugar – I’d last – eh, about 2 hours. It’s just not practical.

Instead, what I want you to do is think of some achievable goals that you can work toward as the year ticks by. Less about what you are NOT going to do (not eating any sugar) and more about what you CAN do (eat sugar).

Sugar-coated kidding aside – before we look at 2019 and all we want to accomplish, let’s first turn around and say good-bye to 2018 and give it the closure it deserves – won’t you join me?!

Saying Good-Bye to 2018

My life coach taught me two important things to consider when saying good-bye to the year behind. First – what was accomplished? And second – what was survived? Both are worth acknowledging and celebrating.

You can use the printable above to help you think through this. I suggest printing it out and putting it in a place where you can jot down your thoughts and memories as you go about your day. I also like to pull out my journal from the year and sift through it to find the challenges and accomplishments that I wouldn’t remember otherwise. I give myself permission to use the entire month of January to say good-bye to the year prior and to dream about the year ahead. I hope you will, too.

Here are a couple that I wrote down, just to give you an idea –

What I survived:

  • We received a bill from the IRS stating we owed them quite a bit in taxes. It almost sent me to a padded room. Thankfully, the issue was handled and in the end – the government owed us $90!
  • Jason and I had some really hard conversations about his work load, his vision and what he needs to do different. This completely and totally sent me into orbit (thanks to a realization that I grew up in a home where work = love) and sent Jason and I into many a conversations hashing through the best way to move forward.

What I accomplished:

  • I supported Jason wholeheartdly in training for and running a marathon. This involved (but was not limited to) water and food drops, cheering from the car with the boys in tow, and taping Jason’s foot day in and day out to keep his pain to a minimum. It was also me stepping into a vulnerable place of being able to fully support him and cheer him on in what was a dream of his. While this might sound silly to some; for me, for us – it was a big deal.
  • We started therapy to help us handle parenting our boys. A big struggle over the last couple of years that came to a head in 2018 – it was a huge accomplishment to acknowledge we needed help and to be willing to pay top dollar for it (I’m frugal, too, if you didn’t know).

Hopefully that gives you an idea as you start to book-end (or say good-bye to) 2018. It’s all about celebrating the victories and appreciating the challenges.In the next blog post – we will be talking about looking ahead to 2019. In addition, I am working on a vision for the blog for this year and I have some really amazing ideas for how I want to use the blog (and some other things) to help more women get the support they are looking for. It’s going to be good.

I’d love to hear what comes to mind for you as you look back at 2018.

xo – Shelley

5 thoughts on “This is YOUR year – Part 1

  1. Brittany

    January 12, 2019  |  10:10 am

    Hey Shelly, I went to Restore in DC in November and I just wanted to say thank you for being open with us, both there and on here! I don’t know how, but I didn’t know about this website until today. I’ve read several of your posts and it has helped shift my heart back to seeking healing instead of just survivinng. I live in a small community and don’t have the support or counseling resources of other cities, so this is a great resource for me!

    • Shelley Martinkus

      January 23, 2019  |  11:21 am

      Brittany – I am so grateful you found your way here and I’m sorry you weren’t aware of it earlier. Please reach out if you want me to try to help you find a group to support you. xoxo

  2. Rhonda

    January 12, 2019  |  02:16 pm

    Brittany your comment hit my heart strings. I am two years this past November into healing and my husband is 3 years into his recovery this February. It is the absolute best action you can take is to remind yourself many times over that you will not settle for survival. Sure there will be days that that is all you can do but even on those days remind yourself that you are moving every day, good and bad, towards complete healing. I’m not there yet but I am so much closer to my Lord and my heart than I have been my entire life. Love you Sister and will be praying for you!

    • Shelley Martinkus

      January 23, 2019  |  11:22 am

      Love this response Rhonda! Thank you so much for speaking into Brittany’s life. xo

  3. Muchalone

    January 25, 2019  |  05:38 pm

    The first thing that comes to mind is that I survived…not an event, but the entire year! And while there were small accomplishments, it really does feel like survival was my biggest accomplishment. The last 2 months of 2018 set the stage for an even more challenging 2019…
    Since survival continues to be my main concern, I like the idea of taking time to bid the old year good-bye…maybe a look back will remind me of the best approach for surviving another year.

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