I shared something really personal with you guys a few weeks ago.  You can read the post here. Just a quick re-cap, I realized recently that I had taken my wedding day (the memories, the photo album, the VHS tape) and put it in a box (figuratively and literally!) and decided nine years ago that there was no way God could heal that day.  So, I’ve left it in the box for all these years.  We all have these boxes that we lug around with us.  Our unmentionables.  The hurtful memories.  The painful wounds from our past.  The secrets that nobody else will ever know about.  All lurking in the dark.For me, I didn’t trust that God could heal this particular wound.  And if I decided to try to get healing for it, my biggest fear was/is:  what if it didn’t work?  What if I try and I fail?  What a lie!  Isn’t God the Great Physician?  Isn’t it not about me but about God?  Truth!I know that God wants us healthy.  And He wants us whole.  So, those memories bubble to the surface ever so often.  Could it be God asking…”Are you ready yet?”And so for years, I would feel my heart skip a beat.  I would change the subject.  All that to say, “No, I’m not ready.”Until two weeks ago.  And I said, “It is time”.  So, I brought the box out, I sat it on the coffee table.  I took off the lid.  And I peered inside.  But how could I take the next step?  How could I take it all out and start wrestling with it all?Jason suggested we start by looking through the photo album.  So for three days, I would tell myself it is time.  And tears would fill my eyes.  And I wouldn’t go get it.  But on the fourth night, I was ready.  It was time.So, Jason and I sat on the couch, legs touching.  Photo album spread out over them.  And we started looking at the pictures.  Surprisingly, there were no tears.  Instead:  peace, acceptance, reality.And since, I’ve realized something.  It’s hard to admit, but I’ve needed to accept it.  I was just as messed up as Jason on that day.  True, maybe in completely different ways.  And maybe in less harmful ways to him.  But messed up the same.  This isn’t shame speaking, this is truth.

“How could I follow through with something when I knew deep down it wasn’t right?”

“ Why didn’t I have enough of a back bone to ask for it to look different?”

“How could I look so pretty but feel so different on the inside?”

And I think that is part of what I’ve needed to unpack.  And grieve.  And accept.  And forgive.  So I open my hands wide, I trust, and I’ll continue to unpack the box.And for now, the album sits on the coffee table.  It isn’t scary anymore.  I’ve brought it into the light.  It isn’t holding me back.I encourage you to take these steps with me.  To recognize when God is asking you if you are ready.  Ready to trust Him.  Ready for complete wholeness and healing.  We don’t know exactly what it will look like as we take His hand, but let me whisper something to you that I already know:  It’s worth it!