Last week in one of the support groups I’m involved with, we were discussing the reality that our husbands may choose at some point to go back to their addictions (or past behaviors).  Some of the women had grappled with this and it was evident that there was a peace in their hearts with this reality.It’s a common question… do you think or worry about if Jason will ever go back to his previous ways?The short answer is no.The long answer is, very rarely it crosses my mind…typically when someone asks me and I force myself to sit and think about it.  Or during each of my pregnancies.  The reality of bringing a child into the world and not being sure that their daddy would always be there, making the right choices.  And then I realize:

• We are all a couple of steps away from making a really bad decision.  Not just our husbands, but us, too.  So, absolutely it is a reality.  We are ALL human.

• I remind myself that during the first year of our recovery, I came to a very sweet place.  A place where I realized that as long as I had God, I would be okay!  In the end, I may not have Jason, I may not have my house, I may not have my job…but I would have God.

So, I surrender this fear.  This reality.  Indeed, I have no control over Jason’s actions.  I have no control over God’s plan.  And isn’t that really the best way it should be?And I think of Genesis Chapter 22.  One of my favs thus far.  God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, his son.  So, they travel for three days to the place where the sacrifice will take place.  Abraham builds the altar, arranges the wood.  I try to put myself in Abraham’s shoes.  I have two boys.  And I can’t even allow my mind to go there.God shows up.  He sees that Abraham fears God.  And Abraham looks up to see a ram in the thicket.  And he sacrificed this ram in lieu of his son.  And this is my favorite part:  Abraham called that place “The Lord Will Provide.”And I believe it.  I believe The Lord Will Provide.Is this something that you think about?  Do you experience unrest not knowing the impact of your husband’s future choices?  Are you able to open your hands wide and give that to God and rest in the fact that He will provide?