Showing Up - Part Two
In the last blog post, I talked about what it looks like to show up for others and to also show up for ourselves. I even included some ways I’ve showed up for myself this week - just to get your mind churning as to how you can show up for YOU.
Please know this is still a challenge for me - I have NOT crossed the finish line.
I want to continue the discussion here and dig a little deeper into what it looks like to show up, fight a little harder, rest smarter and love ourselves well - these are all different angles on the same thing. I will explain more below.
Fighting a Little Harder - Or Maybe Not?!
There has been a theme in my blog posts over the last six or so months - as I have spoken about my struggles during quarantine. You can find a post here about me fighting to get back on my feet and then a month or so later, here is a post about me being okay in the trench. All that to say - #thestruggleisrealgirls.
While I believe that getting up and fighting for what is ours is important - whether it be fighting for our needs and wants, fighting to set boundaries and restore dignity to our weary souls, fighting to work through triggers, fighting for our children - the list goes on; I also think it’s important that we rest in the truth of this verse:
“The LORD will fight for you, you need only to be still.” - Exodus 14:14
I adore this verse these days. It’s a balm to my weary soul, especially when I am fatigued.
And just to give some context to this verse - Moses said this to the Israelites after the Exodus but before he parted the Red Sea. The Israelites saw Pharoah and the Egyptians coming for them from a distance and they panicked (understandably so, that would have been SO scary). They even told Moses - you should have just let us stay in Egypt as slaves versus bringing us out here into the desert to be killed!
After Moses encouraged the Israelites with these words - we see where all they had to do was be still. Check out what is said next:
“The angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night, the cloud brought darkness to one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.” Exodus 14:19-20
To be fair, come morning, the Israelites had to get moving again and cross the Red Sea - but they went through on dry ground. It was God’s grace that got them to the other side.
(Side note - my faaaav definition of God’s grace: God’s provision for our every need, exactly when we need it.)
All that to say - I’m not interpreting this as we can all just get in our recliners, be super still, and know that God will fight for us in perpetuity. No, it’s more like - we can get in our recliners with the assurance that God will fight for us - AND we also have to get up out of it and keep taking steps forward by doing the hard work and showing up. But know that it’s okay to rest. It’s okay to take breaks.
Rest Smarter
When I think of rest - I’m not just referring to resting our bodies. This is vitally important and I know for a lot of us - sleep doesn’t always come easy when we are in the throes of betrayal. I’m also referring to resting our minds, resting our souls, resting our hearts. Rest.
What can you do this week to rest yourself? Maybe it’s taking a Sabbath - from sun down one night to sun down the next - and not ______________ at all.
You fill in this blank - it could be that you won’t talk recovery during this time (this is a good idea if you feel all-consumed by it; not so great of an idea if you struggle to engage recovery). Or maybe you decide you aren’t going to look at social media. Check email. Work. Name it and do it.
Maybe it’s scheduling a massage, acupuncture session, or lying down and doing a meditation exercise using the Calm app (I am personally loving this app right now!).
Maybe it’s napping when your toddler lies down.
Maybe it’s taking a week off from the news on your phone and on the internet (hmmm…this one I really need to do!).
The key to resting smarter is seeing it as a priority not just for during the night but also for during the day.
And last, for those of you that feel like you can’t rest - remember that while we are resting, God is STILL at work:
“He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.” - Psalm 121:3-4
Loving Ourselves Well
Ladies - what is it that you need right now? What can you do for YOU to give yourself rest? How can you love YOU? Because it’s not all about loving others. Yes - loving others is important. But what Jesus said is:
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” - Matthew 22:39 (emphasis mine)
This implies that we are loving ourselves really well. Which isn’t the case a lot of the time. I think oftentimes we are the hardest on ourselves, we over extend ourselves, we don’t take good care of ourselves.
What can you do today to love you well? My challenge for you is to pick one thing and do it, for you. And please don’t skip over this - I’m really serious about this challenge and I’d love to hear what you choose to do - let me know in the comments below.
For myself - today, I chose to step away from the house and come to a quiet place where I could think, breathe, write and pray. This is me loving me. And I know I will return to my home a better version of myself because of this choice. (And it’s HARD to put myself first, gosh it’s hard - is this a betrayal thing or what?!)
For a lot of us, loving ourselves well means we need to say “no” to something - even a good thing - because we are spread so thin. Or it might mean being aware of limiting beliefs or critical voices in our head and being more kind and compassionate to ourselves. (Just a couple of other ideas to get you started!)
______________________________
As I reflect on these concepts - what I realize is - there is a synergy with all four of these things - showing up for ourselves, fighting a little harder (or not?!), resting smarter and loving ourselves well. They are all cut from the same cloth and simply different angles on what it looks like to have boundaries, to take good care of ourselves, to honor ourselves and also to rest in the assurance that God’s got this.
One of the things I have been so grateful for on this crazy journey of betrayal is how God has used the pain of it all to make me a better version of me. To be clear - I am still a massive work in progress (like you should have seen me this past week - disaster) but I also SEE how God has refined me. And I also SEE how he is refining each of you!
xo - Shelley