On one of my morning runs this week, I was coming to the end of my route and a couple of memories invaded my peace and quiet.  I don’t know why.  I don’t know how.Memories.  Memories of one of the gals my husband had an affair with.  The most hurtful of them all because I had met her. I knew her name.  I knew what she looked like.As I write this (five days later), I don’t even remember what details popped into my head.  But I remember initially thinking:  “I better ask Jason about her again.”  But then the voice of truth:  “I don’t need to do that, I need to ask God what to do with these memories first.”I said a quick prayer to God.  Asked Him for his comfort and peace about these memories.  I reminded myself that Jason is a different man today.  He is faithful to me.  And before I knew it, my day was full-speed ahead.  It wasn’t until the next day that I realized the thoughts literally disappeared as quickly as they appeared.  Thank you God.I want you to know:  I’ve spent many a years going to Jason first and asking for more details, clarification; or even just telling him that I’m struggling.  It’s been in the last year or so that I’ve realized it’s time to take the thoughts to God first and go from there.  Who knows – maybe this should have started years ago.Also, I want you to know that if this is new for you:  dealing with the memories and details takes time.  What I described above is typical these days, but remember:  I’ve got 10 years under my belt.So whether you are 2 days in or 4 years in to your healing, here is my suggestion:  When your mind is invaded with unwanted, hurtful thoughts about the past, try a couple of these things (disclaimer:  what resonates with you may be dependent on where you are at in your healing process, so not all of these will be applicable to you today; this is not an all-inclusive list):

• Allow yourself to hurt when you remember these thoughts.  You may need to curl up on the couch, cry, yell, sob.  Tell yourself:  “yes, this hurts so much.”
• Remind yourself that your husband is a different person today.  This would only be applicable if you and your husband are well into the process and you've witnessed incredible change in your husband that could only come from God.  For those of you that are days or months into this process, know that God is in the business of changing lives and redeeming marriages.  Yours included.  I'd encourage you to pray for patience as God works in and through both of you.
• Think about if you need to loop back to your husband for clarification on any of the thoughts you are having.  Would it help to set aside time to discuss them again with him?
• Take them to God.  Lay them at His feet.  Ask Him for what you need right now.  For example: “ I need you to take these thoughts away”, “I need you to carry these thoughts just for the next hour while I get through this meeting”, “I thank you for your comfort and believe that you are my ultimate comforter.”
• Remind yourself of God’s love through a favorite activity:  walking outside and focusing on the beauty around you, listening to music, making a favorite meal, etc.
• Gratitude Journal.  Write down 5 things you are thankful for.  This won’t take away the pain but it always helps me to acknowledge the good amidst the ugly.

“Even in darkness, light dawns for the upright, for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.  Good will come to those who are generous…  Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.  They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”  Psalm 112:4-7