I mentioned recently my love for books.  Although not every book I read is geared toward wives working through the aftermath after being betrayed by their husband - I try to read quite a few of the books out there that are relevant.                 Earlier this year, i re-read Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.  This was a book that was recommended to me during the beginning stages of our healing process some twelve years ago.  I thought it might be helpful for me to re-read it as I was preparing material on boundaries for the groups I facilitate.  So here is my review:Name of the Book:  Boundaries:  When to say yes, when to say no to take control of your life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John TownsendTrigger Level:  Low.  You can read a little more about why I include the trigger level in this post.  If you are working hard at minimizing triggers, in my opinion, this is a very safe read.What I liked about this book:  I'm so glad I chose to re-read this book.  I just flipped through it in preparation for this blog post and I can't even begin to tell you how many sentences I underlined and the number or notes in the margins.  Here are a couple of excerpts that really stuck out to me:

• "Remember that a boundary always deals with yourself, not the other person.  You are not demanding that your spouse do something - even respect your boundaries.  You are setting boundaries to say what you will do or will not do.  Only these kinds of boundaries are enforceable, for you do have control over yourself." (p158)  {This is so much easier said than done.  But I appreciate what they are saying here and know I need to keep this close to heart.}
• "The ability to use anger to distinguish between self and others is a boundary."  (p70)  {I've never thought of anger as a boundary.}
• "Don't even try to start setting limits until you have entered into deep, abiding attachments with people who will love you no matter what."  (p64)  {Ahhh...I love this, it reminds me of the importance of being in a healthy group.  A place where you belong and where you are fully known and fully know another.}
• "The past is your ally in repairing your present and ensuring a better future."  (p62)  {I think this is a great perspective.  It re-frames the mistakes I've made and the pain that I have endured.}

In re-reading this book, I was also reminded that boundaries are healthy for all of us to have.  Boundaries aren't just important in the after-math of sexual betrayal.  Maybe I will brush-up on my boundary skills by reading this book once a decade or so!What I didn't like about this book:  It's a little long.  I get antsy when a book is more than about 250 pages and this one is in small print and close to 300 pages.  Otherwise, well worth the time.Additional Thoughts:  Ladies, listen.  If you are reading this and you haven't read Boundaries, put it in your queue.  It's a must-read.  Setting boundaries is rather difficult so learn from the experts!