I returned Sunday evening from the Restore Workshop in sunny Orange County, CA. Such a range of emotions as I landed in Denver. As I’ve stumbled through the first half of my week, I’ve felt an incredible mix of feelings – it’s almost left me dizzy.
I feel undone and like I turned myself inside out – it’s a vulnerability like none other. I feel a heaviness for the women there – knowing what they are going home and facing. I’ve lived it, I’ve breathed it and it’s a place I’d like to never return to even though I have the luxury of looking back and seeing all the gifts that have come from it.
I’m so grateful for what God has done to restore my marriage with Jason. And I wish this for all the women at the workshop, marital restoration. The thing is – most of these women are ready and willing to do the hard work of restoration. The issue is NOT that they aren’t ready to do the work.
What I see is that this ugly pain has awakened these women – they now know that they can’t settle or continue to live this way any longer. They can’t go on living their life as they have. Living life in a half-dead marriage, with a man that isn’t connected and devoted to them in ALL ways – heart, mind, body and soul.
The issue is the men out there that for some reason think that they can destroy their wives hearts and their marriages and then not DO the hard work of restoration. (Don’t even get me started on this one!)
(To be fair, there ARE men out there that are willing to do the hard work. And I know that this hard work doesn’t happen overnight. But by the time you “GET” it, buster, – will she be gone?! I sure hope not.)
As I sit here thinking about the courageous women from the weekend, I know how HARD it is to go home and keep the momentum alive. It’s not long before we struggle with feeling like there is NO way we can get our husbands on board with healing. There is NO way he will ever stop lying. There is NO way he will ever have integrity and also change on a heart level, from the inside out.
I am begging you, ladies, to not give up. Please, take the next step on your journey no. matter. what. This fight is worth fighting. And it’s strangling far too many women and far too many marriages. We must, together, fight.
To be clear, the fight we are fighting is less with our husbands – as I do believe that in the still and the quiet – they desperately desire to be free – but more so with the enemy.
So what does not giving up look like? To begin with, it means reaching out for help when you need it. It means asking for what you want and need and knowing you are WORTH it. It means sitting in the pain and grieving. It also means waiting with an expectant hope.
1 John 2:14 tells us that we are strong and the word of God lives in us and that we have already overcome the evil one. I learned this week, during my Kelly Minter Bible Study, that this passage was written in the perfect indicative which means it’s an action that has already been completed!
Because of Jesus – we ARE strong, the Word of God lives in US and we have ALREADY overcome the evil one! I absolutely LOVE that promise for us this week!
So I’m going to try to rest this weekend. I’m going to allow my sweet family to fill me back up. And I’m going to get back on the front lines to help any of you that need it.
We can do this – with God, and with each other.
xo – Shelley