Surviving the next 72 hours

Friday, December 23rd, 2016

Hi girls!

Um, where did 2016 go?  Are you kidding me?!  Quickest year ever.

I want you to know how much I’ve been thinking about my readers this week and as much as I’ve wanted to connect with you via a blog post, it seems so many other things have been pulling me away.

What I’ve been dying to talk to you about is this – surviving the holidays.

For some of you, you might have just found out about your husband’s affair or porn use.  If this is you, chances are, you don’t even know which way is up right about now.  I get it.  Been there.

Or, you might be a couple of years in and feeling like the good times will never return.  I think this can be the hardest part of the journey – the newness of it all has worn off and you are TIRED.  I get it.  Been there.

Or you might be seeing, finally, the fruits of all you’ve been through.  Your pain turned into something good.  For this, you are so grateful and breathing such a sigh of relief to have made it to the other side.  I get it.  I’m there.

All that to say – no matter where you are on your journey, here is a quick survival guide to make it through the next 72 hours:

Remember what we talked about all last month – connection with God, self and others is key on this journey.  This, dear ones, is critical over the next 72 hours.  As a bonus, I learned recently that our brains are most receptive to information the first 30 minutes of the morning as well as the last 30 minutes before bedtime.  This would be a great time to connect with yourself via journaling and connect with God via reading scriptures.  As for connecting with others, well, chances are, most of us will do much of that over the next couple of days.  Just remember to intentionally connect with someone that you feel you can be yourself with – even if that means making a phone call to one of your go-to girls.

Remember to detach as necessary from your husband and from his (or your) cRaZy family.  With detachment comes a lot of watching and waiting and yet trying not to get tangled up in the emotions of it all.  A sweet woman, Tam, on one of my calls explained it this way – it’s sitting in the stands, with your popcorn, observing what’s going on below you.  Not on the offense and not on the defense, simply observing and taking it all in.  Another wife told our group one evening that detachment meant enjoying his company when she felt safe.  I love this concept and want to encourage you to give yourself permission to enjoy yourself if you feel safe and secure to do so.

And last, remember over the next couple of days that absolutely nothing is impossible with God.  This takes us to Luke chapter 1 when the angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her that she would give birth to Jesus.  I can only imagine how terrified Mary must have been.  How much she might have doubted even for a split second.  Gabriel reassured her, telling her not to be afraid.  He then told her – “For nothing will be impossible with God.”

Ladies, I LURVE this part of the Christmas Story.  How impossible could it be – to become impregnated as a virgin.

Likewise, how impossible could it be – to heal from the pain your husband has caused.

Remember, nothing will be impossible with God.

There is hope.  You will heal.

For now – connect with God, self and others (that you deem safe); detach if need be; and dwell on God’s truth – nothing is impossible.  Oh, and if at all possible, I encourage you to allow yourself to laugh and to enjoy some of the delicious food that comes your way.

xo-Shelley

 

 

6 thoughts on “Surviving the next 72 hours

  1. Jaleen

    December 24, 2016  |  11:50 pm

    I was just telling my husband tonight, while rolling out our yearly Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, that I am struggling with feeling like that joy around the holidays will never return. nothing, NOTHING is impossible with God. What a beautiful part of the “Greatest Rescue Plan” as the Jesus Storybook Bible calls it. That line just brought me to tears, not 30 minutes after my conversation. Thanks, friend. Merry Christmas!


  2. Godspeach

    December 25, 2016  |  08:23 am

    God Bless You, Shelley & Jason for being willing to put your hurt, sorrow, pain & triumphs Out Here for Those like me who are hurting and wouldn’t have known there was a way back.
    No matter which way my story of my marriage goes, and I pray it becomes what Christ wants, I know that I am Complete in Christ!

    His Love abides Forever, and He will never trade me in for a newer or a different model. He’s my True Husband, the Lover of My Soul. For This knowledge you have passed on to me—I truly am THANKFUL!!!
    Merry Christmas & May the New Year continue to Bring God’s Best on You and Your Family!


  3. Janet

    December 26, 2016  |  04:58 pm

    Hi Shelley, I am to the point of losing hope. I know it’s true with God all thing are possible but it takes two in a marriage to really be working and allowing God in our lives to recover from infidelity. I’m in a 32 year marriage and most of those have been a struggle. My husband had 2 affairs and has lived his whole life flirting, womanizing and lusting. I lived in a state of betrayal blindness up until 3 years ago some evidence surfaced that brought ugly truth he could not talk his way out of any longer. I was in so much pain I thought I was going to die. I required him to attend every mans battle in June 2 years ago. He went but was very angry at me and didn’t think he belonged there. His problem wasn’t as bad as everyone else’s considering he didn’t use porn or wasn’t paying for prostitution. He returned and didn’t continue in after recovery so I separated from him 2 years ago. During our separation he seemed to be very broken, accepted God in his life and appeared to be on a path of recovery. I see now I returned too soon after only 2 months and none of his character change stuck it has all faded away now and we’re in a painful place again for me anyway. He don’t seem to have problems. He has been seeing a counselor for 3 years but is being released as I said he has no problems. My husband is very good at deception and charm. I have been working hard on myself. I haven’t gone to every woman’s battle yet but plan on going in April I hope to get to meet you and Sherry. New life has taught me a lot and I’m so grateful for you all and all you offer. As I write my story it seems so obvious why don’t I divorce him? It isn’t that easy for me 32 years, 3 grown children and grandchildren children there is a strong bond between us but oh so much pain as well. My husband thinks I should be satisfied with his efforts. He quite drinking, going to the bars and is home. But without recovery and growth and God those behaviors he stopped doing aren’t enough for me. There is no deeper connection between us. I don’t trust him and I don’t believe he can stop womanizing and lusting without owning his problem and entering a recovery process with God. Would you agree with me? Thank you for taking the time to read my story. It is real and raw and I’m really struggling what to do next. May God richly bless you and you family and marriage!


  4. Emily Jackson

    December 27, 2016  |  09:32 am

    Thank you so much for the encouragement!! Reading your post always brings hope!! Detachment is something I’m working on!! Sometimes it’s easier then other times.


  5. Brianne Lanzendorfer

    January 2, 2017  |  08:06 pm

    Janet….I feel for you so much! My husbands disclosure was 2 yrs ago. He attended every man’s battle willingly on my accord. He felt it changed him. But still the change was not enough for me. His progress has been tremendous…I think….but it’s still not enough. It feels nothing will ever be good enough for what he did to me. Which I have learned only means I still have more forgiveness to give. There are days I feel I have forgiven, then days I question will we ever make it. I felt I was looking for someone else to make my ” right”decison…should I stay. I hear that in your post. I have come to realize no one can answer this except me. I have to decide what is best for me and my 3 kids. I have to remind myself as long as I see forward progress, no matter how small, I owe it to myself, him, my kids and the commitment in front of God I made, to do everything I can to preserve my marriage…even if that means risking being hurt again. God brought out the truth the first time. In time he will show me again the truth and all I need is to stay faithful to my God and keep hope in my back pocket. God Bless!


  6. Anne

    September 4, 2019  |  06:14 am

    Janet, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been married almost 46 years and the past 5 years after he retired I realized how bad his addiction to womanizing was. He’s been in counseling for over a year and has made some obvious improvements but the lying and deception continue daily. It seems he’s reluctant to give up leering at women completely. He’s a master at deception and only tells the counselor half the story and generalizes his victories. We have a huge blow up and he tow’s the line for a few days until things settle down, then he’s back at it. I stay with him because he refuses to sell the house so I have no cash flow. I tried to leave last year but I couldn’t find secure income to sign a lease. There are other issues as well that complicate the difficulty of leaving. My prayers are with you.


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