Respite for your weary soul (+ possibly your weary body)

Monday, October 29th, 2018

Ladies!  It is not too late for you to join me next weekend at Restore in the DC area.  If you have any questions about this workshop – please email me.  We will laugh, cry, get angry, and be besties before it’s all over.

_____________________________

This is not exactly how I wanted to spend the last ten days.

Especially because it’s my favorite season of the year – *Fall*.  I want to be out and about, enjoying the color changes here in Denver along with the gorgeous weather (minus the snow storm that blew through here some two weeks ago).

Instead – I find myself in bed.  Sick.  Jason made an executive decision yesterday and hauled me to the doctor and I didn’t have enough energy to protest.  The doc thinks I came down with a virus about ten days ago and then caught a second one earlier this week.

Lovely.

So that’s why I haven’t been able to get any traction, turn the corner, and move on with life.

I find myself feeling frustrated, powerless, and disappointed.  I find myself saying – I have missed a whole week of my life!

My boys look at me with anticipation in their eyes every morning and after school – I can tell they are wondering – is momma any better?  I shake my head – and say I’m not quite there yet, but I’ll be better soon…

And then last night – Jason and I are lying in bed and I ask him to pray for me, for us.  As he prays – he mentions surrender.  He mentions not resisting but rather allowing this to play out.  And giving us the strength to get through.  ‘Cause momma’s don’t have time to get sick.

Something in me shifted as I heard Jason drift off to sleep and I lied there fully awake – hurting too much to slumber.  What if I were to just let go – to surrender this, too.  To know that there is goodness in everything and something for me even in this week.

Maybe the week that was wasted, that I missed, was actually a week where I was able to be… reminded of my fragility.  To see that I’m really not as in control as I want to be.

Maybe this week – because of my pain and inability to sleep – was not wasted because… I was able to pray for a dear friend battling cancer and another dear friend battling a chronic disease.

Maybe this week – because of my inability to get up and go – was not wasted because… I saw that asking for help is a good thing.  It allows me to practice humility and to actually see that I have needs that I can’t always meet myself.

And of course – my heart goes to y’all – my dear readers.  You might be having the same thoughts.

He’s ruined my life.  Because of my grief – I have missed out on my baby’s first year.  I have missed out on the joy that usually surrounds my birthday.  What a waste.  And will I ever EVER be repaired enough to find that joy, that hope ever again.

I want you to know that there isn’t anything in this life that has happened to you that God didn’t touch first.  (Thank you Dale for your wisdom):

“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

He knew of your heart break.  He knew of your pain.

And while it might seem ridiculous to even think about right now – God has so much good planned for you because of the trials and tribulations you are facing right now.

“What you intended for harm, God intended for good.”  Genesis 50:20

While I believe getting to a place of acceptance can take years and buckets of tears and grappling with questions that don’t necessarily have any answers – I believe that surrender – yes, surrendering whatever load it is that you are carrying TODAY – can be a short term respite for your weary soul.

What is it that you need to surrender?  Can you get specific?  And then – what would it look like in practical terms to release it?

For me – I need to surrender this illness that has (temporarily) taken over my day to day.  I can choose to wait patiently, to ask for help, to pray for others while I wait, to look my children in their eyes and be reminded of how much I love them even though I can’t show them in any other way right now how much they mean to me.

Wishing each of you a much healthier week that what I’ve had the last couple.

xo – Shelley

 

5 thoughts on “Respite for your weary soul (+ possibly your weary body)

  1. Sara

    October 30, 2018  |  12:23 pm

    So needed this right now, carrying a heavy burden of grief and bitterness over family conflicts that I can’t fix or resolve, good reminder to surrender it to God and stop trying to control it all.


    • Shelley Martinkus

      October 30, 2018  |  12:35 pm

      I hear you – I SO want to fix! Really – I am GREAT at fixing! In my Bible study this morn, Kelly Minter (my fav!) was talking about how Sarai took matters into her own hands and devised the plan to get a baby through her maidservant, Haggar. Just this weekend – as I was coming back to life – I started devising a plan to seek justice in an area where I feel hurt. This story of Sarai stopped me in my tracks. The ironic thing is I just finished writing the blog post yesterday – I’m amazed with how quickly I can go from surrender to taking matters into my own hands and back again (or better yet – surrendering one area of my life while thinking I can fix a different area!). Thanks for sharing your heart, Sara. I’m right there with you. xo – Shelley


  2. Sherry Martin

    October 30, 2018  |  05:55 pm

    Great advice I certainly need it


  3. Stacey Alyk

    October 31, 2018  |  10:52 am

    Thank you for your openness, and words. I’m just so broken, and I’m not sure what to surrender to. My marriage of 18 years, with the battle over discovery of his addiction 10 years ago, has come to an end. The roller coaster ride of discovery, conflict, counseling, re-commitment, a little time goes by, and it starts all over again finally was too much for me. Trust got beat down further and further each time. Forgiveness, although harder each time, was there, but respect left as well. Now what I feel I fought so hard for is gone, I’m alone, broken, and scared. The marriage, the friendship, the companion is gone, what is there to surrender to now? How do I find comfort in the idea that “…God touched (this) first”?


    • Shelley Martinkus

      November 14, 2018  |  10:55 am

      Oh Stacey – so much devastation and loss. I agree – what is there left to surrender to?! And also – how could you find comfort in the fact that God touched this – when it’s all wreckage as you look around. Thank you for being so brutally honest. I know you are not alone and there will be other women that read your words that find great comfort in knowing that they aren’t alone. Biggest hug to you, please keep in touch. xo – Shelley


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