Making Amends – Part 2

Thursday, December 19th, 2013

I’ve been working on making amends.  If you haven’t read the two previous posts, you may want to read them here and here.  I wrote this post a couple of weeks ago….

So I’m on day 4 of praying to God.  Asking my dear friends to pray with me.  And getting clarity on how to move forward with this amends process.

This morning, lying in bed, I went over my list.  In particular the ones I was still not sure about.  And I just decided, if I’m not sure; I should probably go ahead and make the amends.  Especially if it isn’t hurting them and will do me some good.

As I think about it, I realize that the amends is more for me.

I’ve decided to give myself a couple of days.  I’ll continue to listen to God.  I’ll continue to ask.  I feel weary.  And I feel like I need to be still and let this all set in before moving forward.

And He is faithful.  I told Jason a bit ago that I remembered something else I need to make an amends on.  It is completely unrelated to the eating disorder.   I shared the memory with him.  Although scary, it always feels better to come clean.

And Jason said this is the exact reason we need a Savior.  Because left on our own, we are not well.  It reminds me of something I read in Psalms this morning:

Psalm 119:  67, 71

“Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I obey your word.  It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.”

The shame I’ve been feeling is slowly being replaced by awe, thankfulness, and peace.

This is work.

I’m holding close to a verse Jill gave me yesterday:

Micah 7:19  “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.”

As she shared this verse with me, she told me to think of it as if there is a sign posted at the bank.  It says:  NO FISHING ALLOWED.  And neither I nor God nor anyone else is allowed to fish out the iniquities.

This is good.

This is redemptive.

This helps me have compassion on what Jason worked so hard at ten years ago.

I’ll be back soon with an update.  The hard work isn’t over yet.  And in some ways, I fear it’s just begun.

2 thoughts on “Making Amends – Part 2

  1. Caroline

    December 19, 2013  |  09:11 pm

    The hard work has just begun, yes.

    Eating disorders , like sex addictions and all other habitual sin lifestyles , are just the tip of the ice berg. That means that 70-90% of the REAL problem is lurking below the surface…where we can’t really see it.

    We have to remain open in our relationships for this kind of exposure to be possible, namely our relationship with God. Search me and see if there be any wicked way…

    This morning I sat with my husband and watched an expose type youtube video for one whole hour, an hour we didn’t really have. Filled with hundreds of disturbing connections between huge entities, a bit of fear mongering, a fairly hopeless ending, and a staunch warning that no one can comply with, it had all the elements that an information junkie like myself is drawn to.

    We should have turned it off. Instead we sat side by side entranced with the lurid details of what we already know: There is MUCH evil in the world, and there is an evil one who is connected to it all in some way or another.

    My husband left for a busy day behind schedule and I began disturbed yet mindless nibbling at slices of buttered toast and sipping sweet creamy coffee that I didn’t even really want. My children got tired of waiting for me and began playing, the days “list” forgotten.

    Repent. Confess, turn, make amends, renew the vision, move forward…

    Yes the hard work never ends. Praise Jesus Christ the author and finisher of our faith.


    • rlforwomen

      January 16, 2014  |  05:17 pm

      Caroline,
      Thanks for what you have shared here on the rlforwomen website! I appreciate your honesty, openness and for the validation! xo-Shelley


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