Kitchen Convo #3 Follow-Up

Saturday, December 8th, 2012

Yesterday, I posted a video on Trust-Building.  You can view it here.

As I was getting ready for bed shortly after we sat down to shoot the video (I’m making it sound all professional…um, it wasn’t!), I realized that there was so much more I could have said regarding my trust journey.  Not surprising, since in the spirit of keeping the videos semi-short, we can’t say everything.  But, I believe there are a couple of other tid-bits that are important enough to share here.

Trust is actually a huge part of my testimony.  Both trusting Jason and more importantly, trusting God.

I mentioned in the video that about six months into our process, I came to this place of realizing I would be okay if Jason and I didn’t make it.  I realized that as long as I had God, I didn’t need anything else.  This was a critical place for me to get to in my journey.  To me, it embodies surrendering to God, His plan for my life, and my lack of control over others.

I’d love to say that God and I held hands and forever-after skipped off towards a sunset.  But, I’d be lying.

Fast-forwarding about six years into my journey, I was in a place where I had pushed everyone away.  Friends, Jason, but especially God.  It was a slow process that took about three years.  It didn’t happen over night.  Many reasons to blame:

  • We moved and I became disconnected from friends.
  • We didn’t actively try to find a faith community and instead I immersed myself into triathlons, work and school.
  • I allowed myself to listen to lies floating around in my head.  (“If I were sexier this wouldn’t have happened to me.”… “This is all my fault”, to name a couple.)

And eventually these lies turned into a vow that I made:  “God, I can’t trust you.  You’ve allowed this to happen to me.  Who knows what else you would allow.  I’ll handle this life on my own.”

Ouch.

Digging out of this hole, I must say, is still a work in progress for me.  It was three years ago that I came to this place of admitting where I was.

Learning to surrender to God completely is an Every. Day. Choice. For. Me.  (and guess what:  I still don’t make the choice every day.)

But…I can tell you today:  I DO trust God.  I’ve rejected the lies.  I’ve rejected the vows. And I’ve clung to the truth:

Isaiah 55:8-9:  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways”, declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

And get this:  learning to trust God…has bled into my other relationships.  God is my foundation for trusting Jason, trusting family, and trusting friends.  It all starts with Him.

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