Don’t Stop Fighting

Wednesday, February 28th, 2018

I returned Sunday evening from the Restore Workshop in sunny Orange County, CA.  Such a range of emotions as I landed in Denver.  As I’ve stumbled through the first half of my week, I’ve felt an incredible mix of feelings – it’s almost left me dizzy.

I feel undone and like I turned myself inside out – it’s a vulnerability like none other.  I feel a heaviness for the women there – knowing what they are going home and facing.  I’ve lived it, I’ve breathed it and it’s a place I’d like to never return to even though I have the luxury of looking back and seeing all the gifts that have come from it.

I’m so grateful for what God has done to restore my marriage with Jason.  And I wish this for all the women at the workshop, marital restoration.  The thing is – most of these women are ready and willing to do the hard work of restoration.  The issue is NOT that they aren’t ready to do the work.

What I see is that this ugly pain has awakened these women – they now know that they can’t settle or continue to live this way any longer.  They can’t go on living their life as they have.  Living life in a half-dead marriage, with a man that isn’t connected and devoted to them in ALL ways – heart, mind, body and soul.

The issue is the men out there that for some reason think that they can destroy their wives hearts and their marriages and then not DO the hard work of restoration. (Don’t even get me started on this one!)

(To be fair, there ARE men out there that are willing to do the hard work.  And I know that this hard work doesn’t happen overnight.  But by the time you “GET” it, buster, – will she be gone?!  I sure hope not.)

As I sit here thinking about the courageous women from the weekend, I know how HARD it is to go home and keep the momentum alive.  It’s not long before we struggle with feeling like there is NO way we can get our husbands on board with healing.  There is NO way he will ever stop lying.  There is NO way he will ever have integrity and also change on a heart level, from the inside out.

I am begging you, ladies, to not give up.  Please, take the next step on your journey no. matter. what.  This fight is worth fighting.  And it’s strangling far too many women and far too many marriages.  We must, together, fight.

To be clear, the fight we are fighting is less with our husbands – as I do believe that in the still and the quiet – they desperately desire to be free – but more so with the enemy.

So what does not giving up look like? To begin with, it means reaching out for help when you need it.  It means asking for what you want and need and knowing you are WORTH it.  It means sitting in the pain and grieving.  It also means waiting with an expectant hope.

1 John 2:14 tells us that we are strong and the word of God lives in us and that we have already overcome the evil one.  I learned this week, during my Kelly Minter Bible Study, that this passage was written in the perfect indicative which means it’s an action that has already been completed!

Because of Jesus – we ARE strong, the Word of God lives in US and we have ALREADY overcome the evil one!  I absolutely LOVE that promise for us this week!

So I’m going to try to rest this weekend.  I’m going to allow my sweet family to fill me back up.  And I’m going to get back on the front lines to help any of you that need it.

We can do this – with God, and with each other.

xo – Shelley


6 thoughts on “Don’t Stop Fighting

  1. Angie

    March 3, 2018  |  04:22 pm

    Beautifully said. It is a fight with the enemy. There are so many layers to forgiveness and recovery. But you are so right, we must fight together. God has just blessed me with the gift of 2 precious women who have been on this journey a bit longer than me. They have been such an encouragement. I’m wrapping my head around a lot of truths and they have both been wonderful. I couldn’t endure this alone and am so grateful that from day 1, God has given me women to talk to and resources to help. Your ministry was one of the first things a friend directed me too. I can’t imagine how exhausting this is for you and I am so eternally grateful that God continues to give you the energy to stay in this battle with all of us. Rest well, beautiful warrior.

  2. Shelby

    March 4, 2018  |  09:19 am

    AMEN SISTER!!!!!! Thanks again for the wonderful TRUTH!

  3. caroline

    March 6, 2018  |  05:03 pm

    Hello my friend! I hope you had a nice weekend, resting and filling back up.
    This is a really good message.
    I do notice a lot of division and isolation in both in my own fight and what I see going on with other wives. We should know that “Divide and Conquer” is an age old strategy of warfare, but we forget.

    We forget we are not alone. We forget about all the other people fighting evil throughout history. We give into the temptation to depend on ourselves instead of leaning into the strength of the Lord. He is the best battle partner!! He never grows weary. He does not leave us to fight alone. He always makes a way for us.

    We hit a wall and think “I can’t go on”. But where there is a wall, there is also a door. If we keep sliding along the wall we will come to it. It may take some serious busting, but in God’s strength we can open that door and go through.

  4. Chelle

    March 19, 2018  |  08:36 pm

    Praying Gods blessing on you , Jason and your precious Little’s as you are on the front lines for us all the time … thank you ❤️

  5. Erika

    July 16, 2018  |  10:51 pm

    Thank you for reminding me that I need to continue to fight with expectant hope ❤️
    Your post reminds me of the song “Show the Way” by Kim Hill

    Now the stage is set
    You can feel your own heart beating in your chest
    This life’s not over yet
    So we get up on our feet and do our best
    We play against the fear
    We play against the reasons not to try
    Playing for the tears
    Burning in the happy angel’s eyes

    It is love who mixed the mortar
    And it’s love who stacked these stones
    And it’s love that made the stage here
    Though it looks like we’re alone
    In this scene set in shadows
    Like the night is here to stay
    There is evil cast around us
    But it’s love that wrote the play
    In this darkness
    Love can show the way

    • Shelley Martinkus

      July 19, 2018  |  12:42 pm

      Awe! Love this Erika! So good to hear from you here! xoxo

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