A Little Christmas Eve Pep Talk
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015
I’m so excited to start working through your burning questions that you have asked me from the last blog post. Such great questions and I’m excited to dig deep with you guys. If you are new here, it’s not too late to add your question. Go here to do so.
I was actually planning on answering one of those questions here today. But as I sat down to write, I realized my heart was leaning toward talking to each of you about what you might encounter over the next 24-48 hours with your family. With your husband. The craziness of Christmas.
Think of this as a pep talk. I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now and if you were sitting across from me with something warm and yummy in your hands, this is what I would want to tell you:
1) Some of you might be experiencing your first Christmas without your husband by your side. It might be that you are separated or newly divorced. This probably wasn’t the way you thought it would go. Know that I’m proud of you for not putting up with his shenanigans anymore. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to love ourselves enough to walk away.
2) Some of you might be experiencing your first Christmas with a man that you never thought would break your heart as badly as he has. He might be working hard to repair your heart or he might be flailing in the background. Either way, I want you to know that it does get better. It won’t hurt this bad forever. I can’t guarantee the outcome of your marriage but I’m here to tell you that we are all guaranteed to have Jesus by our side as we walk through this ugly mess.
3) Some of you might feel like you are in the thick of a wait this Christmas. It’s not your first Christmas knowing his ugly truth. You might not have clarity yet on which way to go. It’s okay to camp out there. To take your time. This is your choice and nobody else’s.
4) Listen, sweets, you are not responsible for your husband’s actions. If he chooses to (insert a number of behaviors here, but for example – ) disconnect and sit on the couch on his phone all Christmas day, it’s not your fault. Will it effect you? Absolutely. Do you have every right to feel disappointed? Yes ma’am. Does this mean you can’t enjoy the day with your family or friends? No, it doesn’t. This is where healthy detachment comes in and we choose into focusing our energy elsewhere other than our husband’s choices.
5) This Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect. Release yourself from the pressures that might be building. This is a time to connect with those you love. To celebrate Jesus’s coming to save us from having to be perfect. Do you see? We don’t have to be perfect anymore because of Jesus. Now that’s something to celebrate!
6) Give yourself grace over the next couple of days. Heaps and heaps of grace. Remind yourself that you are worthy and you are loved because you are a Daughter of the King. This isn’t anything that you’ve earned. It was given to you. There is no need to prove yourself worthy with the meal you make or the gift you give. No way. So your turkey ends up being dry. Big deal. Turkey is overrated. Give yourself grace. (And as far as I’m concerned, be proud that you know how to make a turkey. I have no clue.)
7) As you are working toward being fully known and loving yourself well – remember that the best thing you can offer yourself and others is honesty, grace, and love. It’s when we do this that we move closer to Jesus. That we comprehend His love for us. Unconditional. And this being fully known and loving is really. hard. work.
8) And some of you might be pinching yourself this Christmas because your husband is changing before your eyes. You can hardly believe it. He’s working really hard. And maybe you’re watching and waiting OR maybe he’s inspired you to work really hard, too. Either way, take a breath and thank God for the progress you see. Know that it’s real and it’s okay to feel the joy.
I’m glad we could have this talk.